Becky on the Phone

Just for fun

Camping Trip

Becky, Ty, Josh and I went camping to Devils Lake, WI on Sunday through Tuesday. It was a fun camping trip with some time spent playing ladder ball, hiking around the lake, swimming, and just all out relaxing. I miss being able to camp every other weekend or so like I used to when I was in high school.

We had a great campfire going. I wanted to get a good photo, but was a little worried about getting the camera too close to the flames. I took the other photos on our hike around the lake. It was a beautiful day, but by the end of the hike I was done. I am not in as good a shape as I once was.

Random images

It has been a few days since I've posted some photos. I missed one day, but I'll try to make that up sometime in the next few days.
I am married to the most amazing woman. She is packing for our camping trip tomorrow, Monday and Tuesday. Me, I'm taking photos of a trash can with a shiny lid.

Another proof that I'm married to the most amazing woman. We made homemade pizza on Friday night. It was wonderful, though try as I might, I just can't throw pizza dough.

An evening prayer study

Becky and I hosted our prayer study group tonight. It has been a lot of fun team teaching this group, though it has been a bit of an eye opener on how well we would do working in the same church. I'm not saying that it wouldn't work, but adjustments would have to be made. Our styles are more different than either of us anticipated.
As always one of the best parts of any church study is snacks. These cookies were delicious, but I plead the fifth on how many I ate.
I was also wondering how many bibles might be owned by two pastors fresh from seminary. I came up with the answer of eighteen and took a photo. We have more bibles then this however, as some are duplicated, and I pulled the duplicates out of the photo.

Baseballs

I was lazy today, and really didn't leave the house except to go to the grocery store. I'm sure I could have taken some fun photos there, but it's more fun to just pull some things together that I have around the house instead.
I love baseball, and most of these are balls that I caught during batting practice at Coors Field. I miss going to baseball games. It's not to say that I can't go to a Cubs or Sox game now, but Cubs tickets are really not that affordable, and the Sox....well they are the Sox. The first year the Rockies played at Coors however, my friends and I went fourteen times that summer. That was one of the best summers of my life. There is something somewhat life-giving when you venture out to the ball park.

A weekend in Iowa

We went to two great worship services this weekend, and Becky didn't even have to preach. On Saturday we got to attend the ordination of our friend Elissa. It was a beautiful service at her home church, and I don't think I have ever seen her as excited as she was. We then drove that evening to Indianola, Iowa where we stood up as sponsers at the baptism of a good friends daughter. It was very special to be asked to be Godparents. We then went to a birthday party for both of our friends daughters. It was a fun weekend. Here is a photo from the birthday party, and another one from just walking around town.

An afternoon of prayer.

Becky and I went up to a Catholic retreat and prayer center this afternoon to check out thier Labyrinth. We want to take our prayer class on a field trip there later this summer. It was a beautiful day; nice and sunny. Here is a photo of part of a fountain near the Labyrinth.

Natures Textures.

I have been trying to take and post a photo everyday. While I missed the 22nd, I had some fun today just exploring a variety of different textures. It was fun.

Seperation of Church and State?

Taking a walk the other day, I was struck by just how many people have American flags flying in front of their homes in Manhattan (IL). Small towns really do have a different feel then most of the cities that I have lived in during my life. There have always been plenty of flags around, no matter where I have lived, but on a walk here, I think I counted about eight to ten flags just standing still in the middle of an intersection.

Since Independance Day, I have been doing a lot of reading about the American Revolution, and the beginning days of our government. I have read biographies of George Washington, John Adams, and am now starting on Thomas Jefferson. My goal is to eventually get a hard look at American history through the eyes of each of our presidents. I want to know which ones I thought were good, and which ones were bad based on my own opinion instead of that gleaned from somebody else's list.

One thing that I realize as I read, is that the old saying still stands true. "The more things change, the more they stay the same." We complain every election year how dirty and mean spirited political campaigns get. We get mad over what we consider to be personal attacks on our favorite candidate. I have often heard people wish for things to be done the way they used to be done. As I read however, I see just how mean spirited even the first campaigns were. There were vicious attacks made on candidates from the very beginning. Mudslingers today in fact could probably learn a great deal by looking at the mudslingers of yesteryear.

I was drawn the other day to take photos of some of my neighbor’s flags as I was reflecting on the topic of patriotism and church. I guess I would consider myself patriotic in the sense that I am proud of the country that I live in. I have a feeling that many people would not consider me overly patriotic however. Since coming to seminary and visiting many small town congregations I have also been struck by how many church sanctuaries have American flags in them. I grew up in a congregation that didn't have a flag, and to be honest I have been somewhat uncomfortable worshiping in congregations that do have American flags present. I think my first exposure to patriotism in a church happened on a mission trip I participated in the summer before my first year of seminary. We were assisting a congregation in Port Arthur, TX with bible school every evening, and I was surprised when at the beginning of every day the kids did the Pledge of Allegiance. The kids also gave a pledge to God as they faced the Christian Flag as well to be fair, but it bothered me that the first pledge given in a Bible school would be given to a nation. Throughout history, I think that many people have internalized the idea of manifest destiny into their Christian faith. They have come to believe that as Americans we are more divinely blessed then those of other countries. I think this has been seen a great deal in recent history in our politics where it has been suggested that if one is Christian they must vote certain ways in political elections. Combine American flags in our congregations with implicit views that Christians must vote certain ways, and many in our nation with opposite views have come to believe that they are not welcome in our congregations or in our faith.

I guess I struggle with great amounts of patriotic banter and paraphernalia because I have seen them used so often as a weapon, as opposed to an expression of celebration. I guess I struggle with American flags in sanctuaries, because I have faith in a God that is much bigger and more expansive then this country that I live in, regardless of how thankful I am to live here. I do feel blessed to live in the United States, but I don't know that I am more blessed then people in other countries. In fact sometimes I wonder if I am actually blessed less so. I see in the United States we are progressively becoming a "post-Christian" nation. (That is if we can ever say we were ever a truly Christian nation. It's interesting to note that both Washington and Jefferson were more Deists in their beliefs then Christian.) The same is true in Europe. Denominations are shrinking in the US, congregations are dying, and people are searching and not finding answers. On the other hand, in Africa, Asia, and South America, Christianity is on the rise. As we look at scripture, we see that Jesus taught people of all nations and all races. We see that Jesus crossed national boundaries, spoke of a God that ruled over both Jews and Gentiles. We also see that he sp0ke of living a simple life, focused on worshiping the Lord over all other things. I sometimes wonder if as Americans we have forgotten these lessons. I sometimes wonder if maybe those in other nations “less blessed” then ours, have been able to find God in their simple lifestyles, free from the clutter of American luxury.

I am proud of my country. I am proud of my brother, and my father. I’m proud of my grandfather, and my uncle. I am proud of many of my friends. All serve, or have served in our armed forces. I proud of my family who taught be to value the blessings of living in our country, and also taught me my faith. I just wonder sometimes if we as Christians try too hard to combine our faith and our nation to the ultimate detriment to our faith?

Fun on the Rails

I have always enjoyed railroads. Some of my best memories involve this most iconic method of travel. That is not to say that they involve riding the train, in fact I have rarely ever been on one. I do have memories of walking along the tracks of Loveland in my youth, on more then one occasion being forced off the tracks while trains rolled by. It's amazing to stand in the weeds off to the side of the tracks as you feel the raw power of each car roll by. Probably my love of trains started when I was in elementary school and had a model train set. I often think that I would love to find a place to set it up again. Maybe it's not a true train memory, but I also remember riding the kiddie train around the park in Loveland on the last day of school each year. We probably looked like jerks, a bunch of high school kids riding on the kids train, but it was fun being a kid again on the last day of school, free for the summer. I even now enjoy listening to the train whistles as they roll through town. It's a pleasant noise to me. I took this photo today a few blocks from our house. Becky is gone today, but the weather was beautiful!

A nice evening.

As often as I poke fun at small town life, there is something about it that can grow on you. Becky is gone for the next couple of days on a mission trip required for her ordination. That left me to run the shop here (ie, go play a movie for movie night). Walking home tonight was nice. We only live a block from the church, but it was the perfect summer evening. There was a slight breeze, perfect temperatere, and accross the street a guy was playing his guitar on the front porch. I grabbed my camera and decided to photograph a white wooden archway in front of a house on the corner. I liked this photo, but think it may have been better in the sunlight.

Go Cubbies!!!

Becky and I took a walk today looking for some photographic inspiration. This manhole cover caught my attention. While I think most of my friends will see some poetic justice in this, I still say...Hey this could be their year!!!

Simplicity

I took a walk today. I have been feeling a little lost lately and I felt the need to find some simplicity that only taking photo's can do for me. I don't claim to be a great photographer, but looking through the lens forces one to simplify. Instead of looking at the entirety of the world around me, I'm forced to instead look at a solitary subject and imagine it only from within the world of the viewfinder.

I find that writing can do that for me as well. It's easy to get lost in all the worries and concerns of my head. But in putting thoughts down on paper (ok not paper), I am forced to simplify. I have felt over-burdened lately in my search for a church. The interviews I have had were good, but circumstances were not right. I'm thinking about finding a non-ministry job for the time being, but that is not a joyful proposition for me. I know that things will work themselves out, but I'm feeling impatient and boxed in as I hang around the house. I am developing bad habits of staying up all night, and sleeping in late everyday. I'm also feeling guilty because I'm not contributing to our income. I know that Becky doesn't mind, but I guess I do.

I miss living in a simpler time. I think that is why I ended up at the baseball field. There is something about a ball park that always makes me feel at home. It doesn't matter if it a Major League Park like Coors Field or Wrigley Field. It doesn't matter if it is a battered and beat up field, filled with weeds, at the local elementary school. There is something inherent in the familiar surroundings that helps put life into perspective. I was never a good player, and certainly don't follow it as well as many of my friends. It seems odd that this would be such a familiar place, but it is. I think it speaks to tradition, and friends, cold beer and hot dogs. It speaks to good times, and heartache. Baseball is as good a metaphor for the human condition as anything. In some ways it is one of the most complex games in the world, certainly one of the most cerebral. Yet in others ways baseball is simplicity itself. It's this I think that drew me today to the park. Simplicity amongst complexity. A place of peace in the midst of turmoil.

A lament on trust

I remember taking an inventory a few years back for a class on the gifts of the spirit as to what my spiritual gifts were. At the time I was suprised that my number one gift according to the inventory was the gift of faith. I never thought of faith at the time as being a gift from God. Looking back at my life, I see that this is true...Maybe.
I have always had a deep and abiding belief in God. There have been times in my life when people have asked how long I have believed in God, and the truth is that I have always believed in God. I was raised to believe in God, and that belief has only grown deeper and deeper from both my study and personal experiences of life. Both my ex-wife and an ex-girlfriend asked at one point when I was saved. They were both from Baptist backgrounds and wanted to know when I accepted God as my Lord and Savior...when did I say "the prayer;" when was I saved? The best answer to that came from my seminary friend Andrew. "I was saved about 3:00 in the afternoon...some 2000 years ago." I believe in God; I believe he is my creater, and that in Christ I am saved. I have faith...or do I.
My struggle these past weeks have not centered on belief in God...but in trust in God. I trust in grace; I trust in God's love. I don't however seem to trust enough to put all my trust in God when it comes to my life here and now. I worry about my life. I worry that I am not good enough sometimes. God deserves better. I don't put enough trust in God to do things that I think are important. I don't tithe. I don't live my life free from worry. I don't always live a life that is worthy of the one who died on a cross for me. I also take this worry about not being good enough and transfer it to the one person I love most here on earth. I am getting ready to marry the most amazing woman that I have ever met, and I worry that I am not good enough for her. She is the most non-judgemental person I have ever met, and I know that she loves me for whom I am, but I worry. She deserves better. I don't ever want my past mistakes to affect our wonderful relationship.
And so I wallow in guilt and shame from time to time, putting as much faith and trust in Grace, knowing that only in Christ do I escape bondage to these feelings. I know that I am loved. I know that I am cared for. I don't deserve God's love; I don't deserve Becky's love, but they both love me deeply. I can't think of any greater proof for Grace then that.

Control?

I wonder sometimes how much of a control freak I am. I am easy going, laid back, and very non-confrontational...but I also think that I have some natural leadership skills, and therefore often find myself in at least partial control of every situation. Most of the time, I feel as if I'm in complete control of my life. I know where I'm going, and I know how to get there. It's all a matter of sticking to the road in front of me. It's ok to stop at a few rest stops and gas stations along the way, just as long as I don't veer too far off the highway of life. I won't get lost. I'm in control.
Lately however I'm starting to feel that my life is in control of me. I wonder where I lost some of that control; how I detoured off that nice straight road of life, and ended up somewhere else. A lot has changed in the last few months. For starters being engaged has changed my life considerably. A year ago my path was laid out for me; graduate and find a call anywhere in the country. Now my future career options are a lot more limited, at least for short term. I also feel like I am out of control in my schooling. I feel more buried then I have ever been at any one time in seminary, and yet I can't seem to motivate myself to get started; to get moving. Senioritis has taken hold, and all I can do is hold on until graduation. The last way I am feeling out of control is in the issue of finances. I have terrible credit. I don't own a credit card. These are both my fault, but it makes living on a student’s budget difficult at times. When I run out of money for the semester, I run out. I don't think I have done a good job budgeting this semester out. I doesn't help that I bought a ring this summer, and that my car has been to the shop three times this fall, but I am running out of money quickly. I have not had to borrow money since school started from parents, but I'm afraid that I may have to do that very soon. This would not normally be a huge deal, but again it takes me and puts me out of control.
The last time I felt this way, I think was probably a few years ago. I had just found out I was loosing my job with Group Publishing. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, and began contemplating this path to seminary. I found that journaling helped a great deal during this time to help me begin to sort out the feelings I was having, and to lead me down the right path. Journaling online on this blog began to almost be a prayer exercise, as I tried to figure out God's plan for me.
I don't think I ever realized that journaling was/could be a prayer exercise until recently with a class on prayer I'm taking. I want to rediscover the love of journaling that I one had. I want to help sort through all of the emotions that I am going through now with marriage and graduation (both things I'm very excited for) on the radar. I want to rediscover a degree of control over my life. Maybe this means I do not trust God enough...what does it mean to trust God that much? So many questions, but I guess those are for another night. For now it's just a prayer that God will continue to walk with me, and that in this form of online prayer I will begin to see answers again in this new and exciting season.

Flood Relief

On Saturday a group of about 25 from Marion First Pres went into Cedar Rapids to help out with the flood relief. My camera batteries ran out early (which probably saved my camera) but here are some of the snapshots I managed to take.
This was my first real trip into the heart of the flood. It's weird to be right in the middle of what was a bustling city neighborhood only a month or so ago, and now see it completely barren and empty, with the exception of a few houses who have volunteer groups working on them, and the occasional Salvation Army food truck driving by to feed volunteers.

I added a red line on the photo to show where the water line on the house we worked on was. Well above my reach, and I'm 6'3".

We weren't the only people doing flood relief this week. A Methodist Church youth group from Berthod (near my home town) stayed at our church all week. One great thing about disasters is the denomonational structure in this country breaks down, and we get to become The Church.

Speed Limit 20

I love watching for different shapes and patterns in everyday life and like to experiment with how they might look in a photo. Much of the time, I don't get images that I care for, but sometimes I take something that speaks to me. It may not look good to others, but that is the beauty of art.
I took this photo of a beat up parking lot after visiting a gentleman from the church who is in hospice care. I have only visited him and his family a few times, but they already have a special place in my heart. The man has MS and can not comunicate very well, but I don't think I will ever forget my second visit with him, when he managed to speak the words I love you out when I left. I often times think that we pictures our lives as a journey on the freeway with all the wonderful sights and sounds wizzing by us as we drive on by. Sometimes in life however the road looks a lot more like this, as we are forced to slow down, endure the jolts and bumps of the road, and trust in God to help us figure out how to put all the pieces back together.



I took this photo on the very same day in the flower garden of the people's house I'm living at this summer. Often times we get to see the greatest beauty in life, when we are forced to slow down.

Shining Some Light on the Trinity

Sitting in theology and history classes over the past two years have really began to give me a deep appreciation for our Trinitarian beliefs; Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. In fact I don't think there are many classes that haven't help develop this deep and profound respect for this, the fundamental building block of our Christian faith. It's only through understanding the Trinity that we can even begin to understand the statement that, "God is love" and to understand the communal aspect of our religion. Wars have been fought over this one issue, and yet I feel that we are losing touch with these Trinitarian beliefs in our secular world. I see less and less of the Trinity, even in our Sunday worship anymore.
This photo was taken of some stained glass windows in First Presbyterian Church in Marion, where I am working for the summer. I love going into our chapel in the late afternoon with the lights off, and the sun shining into the windows of the dark room. It's an amazing effect. It also amazes me how something we often think of as plain looking on the surface, can be so beautiful when you shine some light on it in the dark.....and that was much deeper then I originally intended.....

Stopped in my tracks

I have hit a bit of a snag in my quest to post photographs each day for my personal photo project. It seems that when you have an old camera, and lose your USB cord, then you can't load your photos on your computer. It will cost me over twenty dollars apparently to replace the cord, which has me thinking about just replacing the camera, for a much newer one.

I have been taking photos however. I stole Becky's camera this weekend in an attempt to give her something to remember her first two church's as she gets ready to be reassigned to a new one. I'm bummed out that she will be moving even further away, but I'm real exicted for all the potential this new ministry has for her. Like all things I guess we take the good with the bad. Here are a few of my favorite photos from this weekend.

A photo project

It's amazing how much being in school can make one tired of writing. I love to journal/blog as I explore my thoughts and reflect on the world around me, but I have found that with other writing assignments, I have probably burned out a bit on my writing. To that extent I'm going to try something different for a while, and share my life not through words, but through photos. My goal is to post a new photo everyday (or at least a photo for everyday, I'm sure I'll double up some days), to reveal a little bit of me. My hope is this will inspire some writing as well as help to better develop a photographers eye. I'm doing so with an inexpensive digital camera, so no great big special effects. What you see is what I saw. If a picture is worth a thousand words, then maybe this blog will the equivilant to a set of encyclopedias by the time I'm done!