Bring on spring

Well, I guess I did actually make it through Greek II. It didn't kill me, but I think I will be glad for a bit of a break from that language for at least a little while. (I will have to translate a few sentences a week during my NT class to keep fresh). I managed to pull an ok grade in it as well, so I guess life is happy. Spring term starts Tuesday, and remarkably enough I'm pretty jazzed to get started. I enjoyed my classes last term, and unlike some of my friends, I don't I really went through much of a burnout period. I really think it helps that I was out of school for about seven years before coming back. While it took me some time to get adjusted to being a student again, it also was nice being refreshed to come in. This semester I'll be taking a NT introduction class, Church History from the reformation age to modern time. I'm taking a mission and evangelism class, and Pastoral Care as well as a Presbyterian Polity class. The polity class may be the only one that I'm not looking forward to that much (let's face it, it's just telling me how to run meetings, and who enters into ministry because they like to attend meetings)? I'm also excited to be able to use my new laptop for classes this semester.
Right now I'm also in the process of applying for an internship position at a church. I don't know how many people are going to be applying for this position, but I don't think there will be all that many that do. It's a different time for a position to be opening, and the church is not all that close, so there would be a bit of a weekly drive if I do indeed get it. It would solve two of my biggest problems if I do get the position though. I would have an avenue to gain some practical experience in a local congregation, and I would have a little bit of an income; both good things.
My question over the past week has gone something like, how does one become less human. Ok, so that's a confusing and loaded way to phrase a question, but it's framed in the manner of how does one battle the sinfulness of human nature that surfaces constantly in our lives. One of my good friends recently graduated from law school. His explanations of school often centered on where people placed in their class (i.e. first, second, top 10 percent). The class literally is designed in a way that people compete with each other to be better then the person who sits next to them. I like seminary in that it's not designed in such a cut-throat manner. It's much easier to try and make sure that as a class mate you help everybody to succeed to their fullest here and it's encouraged. I like that, but at the same time I sometimes wonder if I'm more wired (and society in general) for the law school model. I have a major competitive streak in me. When my friends and I get together, everything is a competition. Shows that I would never watch on TV, I will when they make it into a competition (i.e. Iron Chef, how else can one watch a cooking show?) I look over shoulders to see the grades of friends at times, and get jealous when I see they did better then me. When a friend was recognized by the faculty here recently, I was happy for him, but at the same time jealous. Why wasn't that me? What did I have to do to be better then that friend? I don't like feeling like this.
Of course the answer to my question of how does one quash sinful desires centers on giving them over to God. I did a terrible job of staying disciplined in my prayer and study life over the past semester, and particularly over January. As I came up with this question, I decided it was time to pick up the bible again, and at a friend’s recommendation two months ago, I've started to read in Ecclesiastes. "Vanity of vanities! All is vanity!" (from 1:2) I like this book and its study in wisdom. Most of all I find peace in the message from the first half of the book that it is best to find happiness and contentment in what you are given, then to try and take everything you can.
I'm still far from the most disciplined person I know, but I'm finding satisfaction at working toward being a better person and disciple of Christ.

J-Term musings

January term is here, and I think I have convinced myself that Greek II is going to really and truly kill me. Well, maybe not kill me, but sitting in a classroom for three hours a day translating Greek, followed by another three hours or so translating Greek for homework has convinced me that I am never going to be an academic scholar of the Greek New Testament. I do have an appreciation of the importance of learning Greek to help understand the nuances of scripture, but I'm remembering why I dropped Spanish in high school and then again in college. Foreign languages are just plain difficult, and well, foreign to me.
It's been pretty cold here the last few days, but I guess it has been all over the country. I do love the cold, but I wish I was able to get out a little bit more. Cabin fever has begun to set in, and I'm starting to hang things up on my walls, just to add color to the ever-present white. Beer labels, photos, maps, clothing labels, license plates everything is fair game. In another 4 months I will have to take it all down again and start boxing things up, but I can deal with that.
I'm starting to think about what I need to do to find an internship at a church up here. I met over the break with a counselor who did my psych exam, and he and others are really recommending that I do something over a longer period of time, as opposed to just a summer internship, because of my lack of practical church experience. They think I should stay at a church long enough to get some honest feedback. I agree with what they are saying, so I'm beginning to look. I don't really know what to expect from anything, and some of the positions I'm looking at are a little intimidating, but I guess you only live once. The idea of being in charge of a church for a month while the pastor is on vacation may be challenging though, especially if a member passes away. I guess that's why I should keep praying.
I came into seminary not sure of what type of ministry I would eventually be called to. I still have no clue what my exact future holds for me, but I have really started to have some strong feelings toward family ministry. It was a product Group produces that has led me down this road, and while the product isn't always the strongest, the idea behind it is solid. The idea is that if members of a family all were to study the same scriptures each week, and discuss the same basic topics in ways appropriate to their age, then those ideas can help lead to understanding and discussion in the home. Let's face it; the church is only able to directly influence a person for an hour or two each week, while the family influences its members for at least a few hours each day, probably more. Is it effective for the church to just try and teach a lesson at church each week, without equipping parents, kids, youth and seniors to take those lessons and live them out with each other every day of the week? Can we apply these lessons to real life, and then expect families to work through this daily, instead of only Sundays, or Wednesday night. All this leads to way more questions then anything. How do you get everybody on the same page? Whose responsibility is it, and how do you organize between all the different programs in the church? Is this even feasible? Can you expect more out of people? The questions go on and on and on. I don't have the answers, but I'm really looking at exploring this topic more in depth with some independent studies I think.
On a happy topic, I have my new laptop. I got a nice deal on a Dell Inspiron with a 14 inch screen. I really needed this to help with notes for lectures and studying at the library. My handwriting is very slow and messy, and I think friends were getting a little tired of always lending me their notes they took on their computers. It's amazing that nobody had laptops when I was in my undergrad program just 6 years ago, and now over half of my class uses them. I really am getting old I guess. Oh well, older men just get more distinguished I've been told.
Well, life rolls on in its crazy, sometimes stressful, always fun, avalanche type way. I sometimes feel like I'm being swallowed by the flow, but I always seem to come out on top with God's help. I'm sure this stage of my life is going to be no different.

No place like home.

Sometimes there is no place like home! That goes for both aspects of how I am feeling at the moment. There is no place like Colorado, where I have so many friends, family and just happy memories. There is also nothing like sleeping in your own bed, even if that bed happens to be almost a thousand miles away from where you grew up. It’s good to be back in Iowa.
My trip back to Colorado was definitely needed, and I must say I had quite a few fun adventures while I was there to boot. The drive out was a great time; it’s nice to have a friend along to make the 13 hour commute entertaining. Between some great conversation, music, and episodes of the Office on the Ipod, it was a quick and fun trip. The drive was highlighted by an amazing sunset that I managed to snap a photo of while doing about 85 down the freeway. I love digital cameras.
The second night I was back the youth program at Mountain View put on their annual Live Nativity Scene. Because of the snow (I’ll cover that later) I wasn’t able to spend any more time with the youth group, so this was my only chance to see them all. It was fun for me to get to stop in and say hi to many of the youth. I really do miss being a part of that group on a weekly basis, but I really do enjoy the occasions I have to drop in a say hello. I also question whether I will ever get used to seeing a live camel on church grounds, but I digress.
I had heard that Colorado might get some snow when I was there, but I really didn’t expect quite as much as we got. I have a history of experiencing blizzards when I get together with my friend Angie, so I guess I should have known we were going to get hammered when she called me Wednesday morning with the plea that I was the only friend she had crazy enough to try and get her to the airport to see her dad in Ohio for Christmas. Sure enough, I was crazy enough to try. The normally hour long drive to the airport turned into about a 2 hour drive on the way out with the road to the airport being a complete and total mess. It was about all I could do to stay on the road. Being that her flight was still on when I dropped her off, I decided to drive back home before the roads became too bad. Turning off my phone to save the battery in case I did need the phone on the drive back, I of course missed her calling to say that her flight got cancelled about 5 minutes after I left the airport. She managed to find a different way home, but I feel bad leaving her behind like that. As it was the drive doubled on the way home as it took me over four hours to make it. I found out when I finally got to my friends hotel, er I mean house, that about ten minutes after I made it to the interstate they had closed it behind me. I had to stop twice in the middle of the packed interstate to clear all the ice off my wipers on the way home, but that’s ok because traffic was pretty much at a standstill with it being impossible to tell where the lanes were. It was one adventure I will not soon forget. Overall, this storm dropped about two and a half feet of the white stuff on the Front Range.
On the twenty third, I drove up to Colorado Springs to celebrate Christmas with my Dad’s family. I have always loved having Christmas at my Grandma’s house. Tradition on this side of the family is a basic free for all which really fits my personality. Take forty people, enough snack style food to feed twice that many, and put it in a house that fits only about half that many and you have Christmas at Grandma’s. This year was a truly great year as almost everybody was there. Of her 11 grandchildren, 10 made it; that makes for a truly joyful time, and a happy Grandma. For me the highlight was being able to see my brother who after missing his first flight, made it in from Spokane, Washington. He may be the craziest person I ever meet, but you gotta love the kid. (I will pay someday for calling him that).
My trip back home wasn’t all just for pleasure though. I did get some work done while I was out there as well. Following Christmas as my Dad’s, I met with a pastor at Boulder First Pres for my psych evaluation. I didn’t hear anything that was really unexpected at this time, but it was nice having somebody complete an evaluation that seemed positive toward what I’m trying to accomplish. I know ministry is always going to present challenges, but more and more experiences I have seem to indicate that others think I may have the traits to serve me well at this endeavor. I also was able to meet with the session of Mountain View during the second major snowstorm to hit when I was there. After sitting through probably the most contentious session meeting I have ever attended (budget issues), they asked me a few questions and recommended me unanimously to Presbytery to be enrolled as a Candidate for ministry (from the Inquirer status). I will meet with that committee in May.
Being snowed in so much while I was in Loveland; we spent a lot of time stuck indoors playing video games. I don’t spend a lot of time doing this normally, but its great fun occasionally. It’s even more fun when you have no chance of going anywhere unless you can take a few hours to dig your car out, and the house you are at has no TV setup. It was relaxing to spend upwards of eight hours playing football on the PS2.
The last fun thing I was able to do was attend the Denver Nuggets basketball game on the 31st with Joe, Dave and his girlfriend. I had part of a ten game package last year, and I really have missed being able to hang out with friends at the Pepsi Center this year. It was a chance to watch AI play in Denver, and even though they lost I loved going. It was a tough sports night in Denver, as both the Nuggets and Broncos lost. Losing was put into perspective quickly the next morning though with the murder of one of the Broncos players over New Years. It really made me feel a bit guilty about being upset about the simple loss of a football game.
Like I said it was quite the trip home to Colorado. Like I said, it’s good to be home here in Iowa.

The beauty around us

Only two more days, and then the worst is over. I should be writing my 10 page Presbyterian Confessions commentary on my statement of faith, based on the confessions. I should be studying for my Church History final on Wednesday morning as well. I should be editing my 20 pages of Worship papers that I need to turn in by Thursday. Everything is due, and true to my nature, I've procrastinated till the end, and now my stress levels are up. I'm sure that I will get everything done, but I seem to be growing an attachment to my computer over the last couple of days. I can't seem to get away. The countdown is on to Thursday night where I get to reward myself with a few beers out on the town, and Friday morning where I get to hop in my car for the road trip home. One piece of advice I do give to everybody though. Don't ever get to busy to appreciate the true beauty that is around you.

To laugh or cry?

I'm laughing to myself right now, but I almost feel like I should be crying instead. Two articles about the season caught my attention today online, coincidently right next to each other.
It is that time of year. It's that time of year when over our radio's we hear nonstop songs about the Christmas season, with visions of bells ringing, and trees glowing, and families gathered together for a season of joy. I'm not a big fan of Christmas songs myself having had to listen to them nonstop for twelve hour shifts when working retail for a few years, but I don't dislike the message that they bring and I understand why so many people really love them. I had to pause at one of the stories that I read though, and reflect a little bit on the true meaning of the holiday. According to the article, of the top 25 Christmas songs played on the radio over the last five years, only one was really a religious carol; Little Drummer Boy. The songs that top the charts are songs such as The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire) (#1), Santa Claus Is Coming to Town (#4), or Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow (#6). All of these songs have a very warming Christmas message, and bring good feeling to our hearts, but all miss the original point of the holiday, the birth of our Lord and Savior. There would not be a holiday where we all gather around a tree, open presents brought to us by Santa Clause, and eat a big holiday meal had Christ not been born. Yet for many people in the world today, the meaning of Christmas is just that, Santa Clause and Christmas trees. Christ makes the list once in these holiday songs, while Santa makes it four times, and Rudolph the Red nose Reindeer scores a song too. We get barraged by ads on the television talking about all the sales due to the gifts that we need to buy, and Santa shows up everywhere, and it's getting earlier and earlier every year now. Now again don't get me wrong, I’m not saying that I want to do away with the merry fat man. I like Santa, and if I ever have kids I'm not going to rob them of that Christmas mystery. I will however also teach them the real meaning of the holiday.
The second article I read is the one that really makes me both laugh and want to cry though. It also makes the point of my first argument above, that the holiday is no longer about Christ. The headline reads "Santa Claus Deemed Too 'Religious' for School Fundraiser". The article goes on to say:

A Christmas-themed event to raise money at a public elementary school in Warwick, N.Y., has been altered to accommodate a parent's complaints that the program would illegally spotlight a "religious" figure - Santa Claus.

My question is this; how is Santa a religious figure? I have yet to go to church and hear a Christmas sermon that links Santa with the birth of Jesus some 2000 years ago, give or take. I have heard plenty of sermons that warn about the secularization of the holiday. That is precisely what Santa Clause is, a secular symbol that lets people have fun on this officially Christian, but in real life very secular holiday. I will concede the point that Santa comes from Saint Nicholas, a Catholic saint know for giving gifts, but still that is not the point of the holiday. To be quite honest I am almost a little offended that Santa is being banned as a religious figure, not because yet another school board is on a crusade to crush anything remotely "Christian" in school, but that they are linking my celebration of the holy birth to a secular symbol. I am offended that with so many issues in the world, this one has to be fought. I don't have an opinion either way on this argument. I understand that if the whole event was proclaiming the birth of Christ, it would need to be changed, and I won't argue that point. I will argue that if a children’s program sings a song like Silent Night, it does not need to be changed. A song here and there to explain what different cultures and religions celebrate is not wrong in school. I remember singing the dreidel song when I was younger, and never once was that an issue. This is a whole different debate that I don't want to get into at the moment however. I guess I just don't know whether to laugh or cry at the absurdity of this fight over how much religion is allowed in school, and that it now centers over a secular product that should not be attached to religion in the first place.
An addendum: If your looking for the true meaning of Christmas, instead of the over commercialized I recommend going to see the nativity story. I went with a group of five friends tonight and the movie was very good. As with any Christian movie, there will probably be a large chunk of people that like it, and many that don't, but for me the story was good and the symbolism was amazing all through the movie.

It's amazing how much can change in one year. I started blogging just over a year ago. One year ago today was my very last day at Group. I was determined to put myself where I am now, but I was also frightend, and a little bitter. Now I am somewhere where God has put me and loving it. The countdown for this semester is on as well. I have only two more weeks left of school this semester. Next week is the last week of classes, and then finals week. Look out Colorado here I come! I also ask that prayers go out to my Grandma who is in the hospital right now. Later!

Too comfortable?

I made a promise for myself when I started Seminary that I would not back down from any challenges that came my way. All during the time leading up to my coming here I took a motto for myself that stated, "There is no growth without leaving your comfort zone." I kept that motto for the first few months that I was here, but I realized today that I have fallen into a nice little comfort zone between classes, friends, church, and really the rest of my life. A few events of the last week have made me realize this, and I have a lot of things coming up now that are getting me excited, and possibly even a little scared.
The first new change for me is I'm going to be staring a new job working at the Myers Library here on campus part time starting tomorrow. I have put off getting a job for quite a while now, but I think I really will like the distraction, and the extra money will defiantly come in handy as well. During the first semester I kept putting off buying a new laptop computer because I didn't want to spend the money with none coming in, but I've realized just how much one will help me in class, and that is the reason I'm here so....
I also received an e-mail from the university telling first year seminary students that there are opportunities for pulpit supply if we want to take advantage of them. My first response was that I wanted to wait until I had a few more classes before I did something like this. After speaking to a friend though, I have decided that I'm going to at least go talk to the person who organizes this and see what they have to say. Just because I don't feel comfortable preaching yet, how will I ever become so if I run out on every opportunity that presents it self. I may not be experienced, but I don't think that pulpit supply churches are looking for perfection. Instead they are looking for energy and authenticity. Just my thoughts, but we will see.
The same person I'm going to talk with about pulpit supply, I also want to speak with about finding an internship position somewhere this summer. I have always said that I want to find a job working at a church during the summer, but not a church that is local. My problem is that I have no idea in the world how to find a position somewhere across the country. I'm hoping that he will be able to point me in the right direction, and that I will be able to find something that will stretch me, and at the same time be a lot of fun.
I really have not put any energy into student council yet, but I also want to get more involved with that, and a good friend and I want to start some sort of bible study on campus. We both love the whole theological education that we are getting, but we have come to realize that with everything that is required, the bible tends to get squeezed out. I have no clue when we will find the time, but I think it's so necessary, so we are going to try and figure out what that is going to look like.
Lastly I'm in the process of trying to get all my paperwork in order so that I can advance from the inquirer process of the Presbyterian Church to the candidacy process. I'm hoping that when I return home for Christmas that I will be able to meet with my presbytery liaison, my church session late notice, and with a gentleman from Boulder in order to fulfill my psychological exam requirements. I also am going to sign up for the first of the Presbyterian Church ordination exams; the bible content exam. I have to sign up in the next couple of weeks, then the test is in February.
I'm really excited for what the future holds, and while it is keeping me busier then I have ever been, I love the challenge.
On a side note, it is about 9:00 in the evening, only a few days from December in Iowa, and it’s raining like crazy. What ever happened to the wonderful white flakes that I’m used to?

A trip to Willow Creek

Sometimes I really do take a lot of the things I have for granted. I complain about all of the things that I haven't been able to do yet, and all of the places I have yet to see. I don't stop to realize and thank God for all of the amazing things that I have been able to do in my life.
This last summer I was able to attend a worship service at Lakewood Church in Houston Texas while on a mission trip with the Mountain View youth group. It was a neat experience to see a church that large, and to feel a community of that size worship God all together. When I worked at Group I had a chart of the top 100 congregations taped to my cubicle just as sort of a fun reference piece, and I got to know of some of the other more influential megachurch congregations and their pastors. I also had the chance, however briefly to cruise by and admire the Crystal Cathedral in Southern California a couple years back.
A little over a year ago, I was feeling a little burned out by the lack of people at my home church back in Colorado. I loved the people at the church, but I wanted something more, something different, something that would allow me to experience worship in a new way. I started going to Timberline Church; a large congregation, with 5000 in attendance week, Assemblies of God Church (with a very very nondenominational feel). While I had attended megachurch programs in the past and been turned off by the simple seeker message, and feeling that everything was a show, this church felt different. I felt God present in my worship for maybe the very first time. Worship became fun, and meaningful. Through my experience I learned that any worship service anywhere can be just as meaningful as well if I let it. It's not about the fancy lights and great music, but instead about how I am in direct communication with God. I am praising and praying to him, but there is also a two way experience where I can feel him move in me as well. This new experience of worship was accentuated when I decided to return to Mountain View and prepare for seminary. Worship became something that became meaningful not only in Sunday worship, but also in the youth program each week. It became something that I truly looked forward to each week. I also began to see worship in other setting and appreciate how other people worship. I went to a service with a friend of mine, and while his church was much more charismatic and Pentecostal in feel, I loved it. I would never want to worship there every week, but watching people worship in a way that was true to them was beautiful. One year earlier I would have felt uncomfortable and unsure in this type of place, but I was completely at ease, and could see the face of Christ in the people present at the moment.
While there were things about Lakewood Church this summer that really turned me off, it also kindled in me a desire to "pilgrimage" to two other large famous churches in this country.
I was able to cross one of those locations off of my list tonight as I was able to attend worship tonight at Willow Creek Community Church in South Barrington Illinois this evening. I have learned that anyplace can give me a true authentic worship experience, but I also know that sometimes when I have a lot going on, a trip to a high energy, lights and sounds type worship can give me a bit of a renewal on life, and can refresh me. With the last few weeks of the semester approaching, I've been feeling the need for this for a little while. It's a three hour drive to Willow Creek, so after eating a late lunch, my roommate Gabriel and I took off on our pilgrimage. The service was both what I expected and needed. I was able to just relax and enjoy worship as an anonymous figure in a large room. I was able to enjoy a simpler message that was thought provoking, but not overly challenging. I was able to feel God present with me. More enjoyable though was being able to watch a pastor who regularly speaks to a church that can seat 1000 in Africa, be blown away by an experience that while refreshing to me, was not unexpected. I tried to prepare him of what to expect by telling him a little about the church, and showing him photos, but his reaction was fun. On the way home, he spoke over and over about how this was a life changing experience for him, and having him thank me for allowing him the opportunity to experience a new way to approach ministry back in his home nation. Something that is, while not the norm, at least normal, was an event to remember for a lifetime for another individual. Like I say, sometimes I really do take things for granted.

Divine Pathos

The depth of human emotion sometimes just blows me away. Reading what is going on in the lives of some of my friends tonight just goes to show the beauty in the joys and hurt that is life. It's amazing the range of emotions that a person can feel in just a short amount of time, just remembering parts of their own life.

Joy - One of the things that I like to question people about on occasion asks; "Describe a night/day that was just perfect. A time when the stars aligned just right in the sky and everything was so perfect that you will never forget that time as long as you live!" I think everybody has an event like that in their life, in fact most have many. It may be a night a new relationship started, or the day of a wedding. It may be a special trip or adventure. It may be something as simple as a night out on the town that was extra special. For me the night I like to remember as just being full of unbridled joy was a night in Chicago with a bunch of friends I really didn't know that well at a dueling piano bar. It was a night I had no cares in the world, a few to many drinks, and more laughs then I can explain.

Sadness/Loneliness - A friend of mine recently experienced a loss, and is hurting right now. As high as somebody can be with Joy, they can feel just the opposite with pain, sadness, loneliness and despair. There are many things that can make people feel this low in life. Deaths, a difficult breakup, failure at something, even just a few unkind words. In my life I have known two people who I spent time with on a daily basis feel these feeling so deeply that they choose to end it by taking their own lives. I can't say that I will ever understand these emotions to that extreme, but I have experienced hurt. I know what it is like to be in the room with somebody, and feel more alone then I have in my life. I know the pain of losing somebody very close to me.

Excitement - This feeling is similar to joy, but it speaks of unfulfilled promise. It's looking forward to something that has the potential to change a life. It's possibility about to be fulfilled. With this emotion I think about the bride looking forward to the words "I do." It's the high school senior waiting to be handed the piece of paper that signifies four years of achievement. Think hard and I'm sure you can remember a time of sheer excitement. Not knowing just what to expect, but ready for it with all your heart. I was so incredibly excited years ago as I was promoted to management in the company I worked at. The promotion meant moving for the first time out of Colorado, to Indiana. The newspaper headline for one of the major Denver newspapers the day I packed up what I needed into my car and headed off to Fort Wayne said it best as it was reporting the death of a longtime Denver journalist; "Goodbye Colorado."

Fear - This is one of the most primitive of human emotions, and not one easily forgotten. We hear a lot about this emotion these days as we turn on our televisions and listen to the latest news regarding terrorism in the world. Terror or fear is a powerful weapon, so strong can this emotion be. Fear can be paralyzing at times, and can push us into action into others. Both requiring no thought. It can be dumb things that prompt fear. I am afraid of snakes. The other day Ty and I were walking near the Mississippi river and came across a tiny gardner snake. I knew there was nothing to fear at all with such a small creature, but as soon as it crawled toward my shoe, without even thinking, I jumped away with a fright. Fear can also be deeper then just a quick emotion though. I remember going camping with a friend when I was little. We went fishing with his family and as we were going from one spot to another I decided to head back to the campground. I was pointed up the road were camping on, but somehow got off the road somehow. I was probably lost for only a few minutes, but it seemed like hours to me having heard what can happen to kids who get lost in the mountains.

I could really write for hours there are so many different emotions that bring us to the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Emotion is the real, raw, powerful, force that makes us human, and makes life worth living.

We were discussing in my Old Testament class the other day the work of Abraham Joshua Heschel and his theory of Divine Pathos. Pathos comes from the Greek πάσχειν, meaning "to suffer" or emotion. The key to this theory is that God feels emotion; that God cares. God is intimately involved with human life and as such infinitely more sensitive then we are. As we feel joy, God feels it infinitely more. As we feel pain, again God feels it infinitely more. Scripture shows the emotion of Christ very simply and strikingly in John 11:35. "Jesus wept." There is a lot more to the theory of Divine Pathos, but for my purpose tonight all I can say is I like the idea of a God who feels emotion. It blows my mind the range of emotion that I can feel just watching a movie, or surfing the internet reading all my friends blogs. I can't even comprehend God feeling infinitely more then I can, but while it may not be understood, it definitely comforts. God cares, and he understands.

A good Story

I used to think that I would never be able to go to a movie at the theater by myself. I think a lot of people feel that way. I remember going alone for the first time and thinking that everybody in the theater was looking at me because I was the lame guy sitting alone with no friends to hang out with. There is something very liberating for me when I go to movies alone now. It's a sense of independence that I really enjoy. Going to movies for me is a complete escape from reality if only for a couple of hours. Once the trailers start, anything that was on my mind beforehand just turns off. I can just absorb myself into the world that I see on the screen, and put myself into the thoughts and the emotions of the characters portrayed in motion picture. When I was told that I would be losing my job at Group, they sent me home early for the day to think about if I wanted to continue to work out the month. I didn't go home, but went to a movie. When I have a lot on my mind and feel stressed, I go to the movies. Call it therapy in surround sound. When I go to movies with friends I still do get involved in the movie, but in a sense I take a piece of reality into the world of the movie with me. It's an escape, but just a small thread separates me from the real world.
For me stories are a powerful thing. They get my mind racing like nothing else on this earth. I like stories in books and on screen that focus not necessarily on action, or drama, or comedy. I like them all, but a story that touches me has real human emotion in it. I like seeing the characters, with feelings and flaws that could be real. I like to see my experience in the story on the screen. I like to see friendships that look real; relationships build not on sex but on joy and happiness. I like to see difficult decisions where there is not always a right choice. The movie industry in the United States is huge business, which leads me to guess that I'm not alone in this love for a good story.
It's easy to see why Jesus did so much of his teaching by telling stories. If there is one thing that I'm learning in my Church History class, it's that the old saying really does hold true. "The more things/people change, the more they stay the same." People have always enjoyed stories and it's what people talk about. I used to laugh as I sat in my cubicle at Group as my coworkers would gather around and chat about the last week’s episode of "24". When I was younger and in college it was the first few years of Friends that we would talk about. As a human race, we are fascinated by the stories we hear whether they are true or not. I can picture people in bible times not talking about the lecture they heard Jesus give, but repeating the story he told. Lectures contain facts, but stories contain human emotion embracing the facts.
On the way home tonight I was thinking. I don't think I can remember a single sermon that I have heard in my life. I can't think of a single one that I can point to the scripture that was read and the entire message. I can on the other hand think of many great stories that I have heard in these sermons. I don't remember the scripture, but I can illustrate what was taught by these stories. That's not to say that I have never learned in a sermon. I've heard many many many sermons and the lessons they have taught have sunk in, they just aren't recalled in the same way that I don't remember learning the alphabet, but the lesson was learned. It may just be my A.D.D. talking (I can't prove I have it, but I would place money on the fact) but if a good illustration is told with a sermon I listen and appreciate it, but if the illustration is weak, I tend to tune out.
I also heard a quick report on another movie tonight that was recently released by a church that has turned into a pretty major motion picture. Many of the actors and crew of the movie were members of the church. The pastor of this congregation said that he felt this may be the new mission of the church to reach people through this medium. This is an interesting approach to me. I can't say that I agree with the message I hear from previews of the movie just released. While I believe in the power of prayer, I think it's dangerous to hint that by praying you will get whatever you want, even a football victory. Prayer is more then just asking God for anything you want, and God doesn't run a convenience store where he will provide your every desire. With that tangent over though, what could a Church accomplish by showing the right things. How many people saw Christ’s crucifixion in a real way for the first time by watching the Passion?
It's a lot of different thoughts running around in my head tonight, and as usual this is a better forum for asking questions rather then answering them. I don't think a Church is really a church if they just shoot movies, because it's community with others in the presence of God that makes a church. I don't think that going to movies alone all the time is good; I love to go with friends. I do like movies with bad characters and a bad plot if they are funny. I do however appreciate it most when movies make me think and more importantly make me feel. I do love it when a church message makes me view a picture in my head as opposed to processing facts. Most of all I guess, I just love a good story.
I sat in the library for about three hours today working on practice sentences for Greek. I can't say that I will ever become a big fan of Biblical Greek, but I understand most of the concepts behind the language. I am however very slow at deciphering even the most simple sentences. I'm sure speed will come with time, but I'm looking forward to being able to use a computer program for next year to help me out. I had the most beautiful view while I was working on these sentences today though; it finally snowed big beautiful glorious powdery snowflakes. I love the snow. It reminds me of back home and my favorite time of the year. I wished I had a camera for while it was snowing, because it was a pretty sight to see it come down out the big picture windows in the library.
I'm feeling less stressed this weekend as opposed to last. I got the paper done that I was stressing about then, and for some reason I'm much less worried about my tests this week. After that I will have Thanksgiving break and then a bunch of papers due all at the same time...ouch. I'm starting to feel like I can do this again though. It really is true that seminary can be a constant roller coaster of elation at the thought of a life in ministry, to sheer doubt and terror. It's good though that I'm able to explore all the feelings and realize that I will come out on top in the end.
I've been very poor at keeping in touch with my liaison with the Presbytery committee that oversees candidates for ministry, but he sent me an e-mail this week. We are going to arrange a time to meet for lunch when I'm back in Fort Collins over Christmas. I'm only going to be there a short time, and I'm already getting a pretty full calendar. I'm really starting to look forward to this visit, but it still seems miles away.

October daze

Over the first couple months of the year I've been told that I was the person that never seemed to worry about school. I didn't stress over papers or tests, and my friends wished that they could find a way to avoid the stress that they felt. Yet even with my apparent lack of concern I did very well. Now it's my friends telling me not to stress. We have hit the point in the year where papers are starting to come due and the second round of exams hit right before Thanksgiving in a couple of weeks. Following that the biggest papers start to be due very quickly and finals follow that. I know I am capable of doing the work, but I worry about finding the time to fit everything in. I am in awe of so many of my classmates who juggle much more in their life then me, and still seem to get everything done, while I seem to struggle to stay on top of everything. In the end, I know things will work out, and that God will see me through, but I have a feeling my stress levels will probably be very high at least until the last day of class before Thanksgiving, and a week off from class to help get caught up.
While I have worked hard this weekend, I've also taken a little bit of time to have some fun. Ty took me home to meet her parents Friday, on our way to a high school performance of the Music Man. Her best friend’s sister played Marion, the female lead, in the production, and she absolutely stole the show. It was a very neat performance.
The previous weekend my Mom visited from Arizona, which gave me a chance to play tour guide and to get to know the town of Dubuque better. I reserved a neat Bed and Breakfast for her to stay at, and the house was simply amazing. They say that most of their clientele are repeat customers and I can see why. Mom has already said that she will stay there every time she comes.
With Dubuque being on the Mississippi river, most of the activities we did centered on or around the river. We spend one afternoon at the National Mississippi River Museum here in town and had a fun time. We also were able to make a quick stop at the Mines of Spain to show her one of my favorite places I've seen so far.
On the Sunday she was here I took her to the church I've been attending here in town. It's a pretty old church that dates back to the 1800's. The founder of the church was also key to founding the seminary program here. It's really different for me to visit churches here that are older then the state I grew up in. Sunday afternoon Mom and I also took a walk on a short river walk that follows the river downtown. It really was a pleasant day for a stroll by the river.
Tuesday was Halloween and that evening I went to a party hosted by a friend living in the south cul-de-sac. My costume was that of a French-man so I shaved the beard I had been growing since the third week here in favor of a mustache to go with the black shirt, leather coat, and beret I wore. It was a fun night and we had a lot of pretty outrageous costumes. Things probably didn’t get any better either as I ended up wearing a mullet wig pretending to play an electric guitar by the end of the night.
Other then that, life has been pretty good. I'm anxious to get some papers and exam results back for a few classes, but I feel good about what I've accomplished so far. I worry that the academic part of things is starting to wear on me, which is something that I promised myself wouldn't happen to me while I was here. I at least am aware of this, and while the work still needs to get done, I am able to deal with it. I'm going to try and do a bit of a jumpstart on my worship life in a couple of weekends. I've been wanting since I've come here to go down to Chicago and attend a worship service at Willow Creek Church. While I know that it is not the type of church I would want to attend every week, I really do find that when I take myself out of something that is comfortable, I learn about worship and what it really means, as well as learn something about myself. I'm looking forward to being able to go.
I've been neglecting my journal lately as well. I do find that getting my feeling out in the open helps me to focus and I guess vent. Journaling was the first of the spiritual disciplines we explored in our groups this year, and I can now see why. I hope to do better.

Happy Birthday to me...

I have been told recently that it is difficult to take me seriously when I am attempting to have a theological talk with friends while sitting in a bar wearing a small red plastic fireman's hat on backward. I just don't understand....

I guess it has been a long time since I have taken anytime to sit down and write. I have had a lot of different ideas going through my head the last few weeks. I have tried to sit down a few times to try and put those thoughts down on paper, but I just haven't been able to get everything down in a period of time that I can actually sit down and type. My thoughts the past couple of days have centered on the topics of sin and worship.

On the sin front, the question was "What specifically is sin". I was writing a paper on Saint Augustine's Confessions and I was supposed to be writing about his view on sin, but as I was struggling to put the words to his definition I was wrestling with thoughts of if I agreed with him or not. For the moment at least, I think I do agree with him when he say's that sin is not really based on the action, but the intent of the action. If the intent is to please God, and the action is indeed pleasing, then it is not sin. If the action is good, but the intention is not to please God, well then that would be sinful. It's a hard line definition of Sin, but if you agree with the Westminster Catechisms definitions on the chief end of man being to glorify God, then if you are not doing that, wouldn't it be sin?

I don't know if I'm any closer to answering my second question, but at least it's not haunting me at the moment, and I really don't think there is just one answer. My question has been how to do worship in a way that has meaning for families of multiple generations and worship styles. Worship is by definition a chance to interact with God. A chance not to just watch a service, but to take part in the worship, to speak, glorify, listen to, and embrace God. The problem is that I communicate in a way that is very much different then a woman in her retirement years, or a middle age steel worker with a family to raise. How do you structure a worship service that has meaning for everybody in a family, so the whole family can worship in meaning together? I hate seeing so many churches, using so many resources just to split families into separate groups every week.

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me...ect. I'm actually updating this from a hotel lobby in Chicago right now. I have been dating a very sweet girl for the past month or so and she treated me to a very cool birthday today (or yesterday depending how you want to look at it). We drove up to Chicago today and she took me to the Medieval Times. This is a unique version of a medieval dinner theater. We were treated to a very well choreographed tournament of knights, while eating an entire dinner without silverware. It was a very cool time. I'm updating tonight from the lobby of a local Hotel where we got rooms. Thursday night I celebrated with a lot of other friends from seminary. I was supposed to go out to dinner, but wasn't able to make it when I figured out at the last minute that I had to work. I missed that, but I did have everybody over to my house for poker after I got off work. We had about 14 people hanging out playing cards at my place till about midnight that night.

That's the second time in as many weeks that we did something like that in a large group. The fireman conversation came when a similar size group of us drove out to Galena, Illinois where the spouse of one of my friends worked. It was definitely a time to remember.

Last week was reading week at the school, which meant no classes. It was a much needed time to get caught up on all the reading that I was way behind on. I'm still not completely caught up, but I'm in better shape. The week went to quickly though, as I had a few papers due this week, as well as a grueling midterm exam for church history. I think I did well, but I'm glad it's over.

All in all, life has been very good to me and I thank God everyday. I found out this week that Group laid off another 22 people recently just a year after I was let go. A year ago I though that I could never be in a better place then were I was there, but God has a way of surprising us. I do ask that you keep those people that lost their jobs in your prayers though as many were friends of mine. As I keep finding out; prayers are truly a blessing.

Greek, groups, fun and fall

At the moment I'm not sure whether to celebrate that fall is here, or lament that summer has not yet left. The last few days here in Dubuque have been beautiful with the leaves turning the incredible shades of gold that they do. You can no longer see many of the sidewalks on campus as they are covered by this golden snow-like layer of foliage. Now I just want the temperature to change. A few weeks ago it was a little cooler here in town and I loved it. I even wore jeans a couple of days. That seems to have past as it has been in the 90's the last couple of days. I find myself sleeping in the hottest room in the house, and at the moment, its 9:30 at night, I am sweating just sitting in my room. Augh.
When I was working at Group Publishing, I had a group of four friends that had started at the same time, about a year before I did. As the story goes, this group traveled from training session to training session as a big large group, thus earning them the moniker "The Herd." I almost feel that a group of friends I hang out with here could have the same name applied to it. We are all first year students and for the most part, we all have the same schedule. We are all younger, in fact I'm the second oldest in the group, and for the most part we all live in the seminary townhouses. It's funny to see us all travel in a pack from class to chapel, and back to classes each day. I've heard comments from others in the seminary that's it's an unusual group that we have in that sense, and sometimes I worry that we may be seen as just a big clique, but I don't think we act that way. It's been nice getting together for things such as a Greek study group with everybody and having upwards of 8 to 10 people show up. I am impressed by the intelligence of everybody in the group, and they have the ability to keep me on my toes. I'm really looking forward to spending the next few years with everybody.
I've also enjoyed getting to know the city better as well. Dubuque is really a pretty city, even if you get a workout from all the hills. I've been walking with a friend and we have had a great time with many paths that overlook the Mississippi River. It really is a beautiful sight seeing the river in fall, or in the evening with the lights of the city reflecting in the water.
Last week I was able to participate in a chapel service, and had a good experience. My roommate was asked to deliver the message that day as an international student, and he asked me to be his liturgist. I found out a couple of days before the service that I really wasn't supposed to be participating until I finished a class I'm taking, but that they bend that rule quite often. I have never been in charge of actually writing out and planning what goes on in service, and it was a little stressful for me at first. In the end it wasn't a big deal, and I had some friends help me out. After chapel was over I had a friend of mine approach me and tell me that I was going to be a great preacher. I really hope that is true, but it's always nice to be affirmed by somebody else when you don't expect it.
I also intervened for a short term job here on campus last week, and got it. It's for the campus phoneathon, which basically means its back to making a ton of phone calls for me in order to raise money for the university. I've done the phone thing before, and I'm sure I will well. I'm just thrilled that it's only a few nights a week for a few hours each. I don't think I could do phone's full time anymore.
I have my first Greek test Thursday morning, and have been studying quite a bit for it, but I don't think I'm too nervous. I still have to memorize some noun endings, but I'm pretty confident I will do ok on the test, even if I lose my current 100 percent in the class. Next week is reading week, and I'm looking forward to not having any classes. It will be good to have an opportunity to get caught up with some reading, prepare for some midterms, and write a couple of papers. I'm also going to be able to do some fun things. Sunday I'm going to Wisconsin to see a friend of mine preach, and Tuesday I'm going to Illinois with a group to meet my roommate’s wife, have diner, and maybe hit a haunted house. Should be a fun week.

Response to news.

I'm upset. I have just finished a long week of school that saw many positive things happen this week. I am looking forward to a few days rest mixed with some reading, and maybe a bit more reading, but mostly rest, but I'm irked. I sat down to express all the positive things that are happening in my life, but now some confusion sets in.

Everybody experiences those news events that shape your life, and redefine your culture. Most people in my grandparent’s generation can tell you exactly where they were when they heard about the bombing of Pearl Harbor. For my parents generation, they can tell you exactly what they were doing when they heard that President Kennedy, and later Reagan were shot. My similar memories include three. The most obvious is I will never forget where I was when I turned on the television to see a jet fly into the twin towers. My second memory is when I was much younger and was told by my fourth grade teacher that the shuttle Challenger had exploded on takeoff. I also have one more such memory. I will never forget sitting in my car trying to turn right onto Laurel Ave as I turned on my radio and heard that there were gunmen reported in Columbine High School.

I never knew anybody in the school at Columbine, but it was a school I was very familiar with having lived in Colorado most of my life. I have also known a lot of people who did know people who were in the school at the time, and even more importantly, somebody who visited the school that very morning to have lunch with a former teacher of his. He had lunch with Dave Sanders, the teacher who was killed.

I'm upset because as I sat down to do some journaling I read that there has been yet another school shooting in the state that I love, in a city that again I know. Like last time I don't know anybody at the school, but I do know friends who grew up there and are associated with the city. Again there may be friends of mine affected.

A few weeks ago there was a shooting of a young boy in a city near Dubuque. A few students in the seminary program here are pastors, or student pastors in that area, and they were called in to help with counseling the community. Looking back on school shootings, there is always a pattern where police are questioned and blamed for not doing the right thing. Blame is placed on people, who regardless of if they could have some something differently, did something to the best of their ability out of a love for humankind in trying to make a difference. As a pastor I think people step into that same kind of spotlight for criticism. They do what they do out of a love of God and other people (see Mat 22:37-40) but what if they do or say something wrong. I don't know if I could ever have answers for what happens in this school. I question why things like this happen myself, and wonder at how free will versus Gods providence relate. Someday I hope to be able to answer those questions myself, let along guide others in that same search. I am at awe of those who can step into these situations and make a difference, and maybe someday I will to, but for now all I can do is ask for prayers for not only the victims of this tragedy, but also for those who are there trying to make a difference in the lives of the victims.

There is something spiritual...

Lord,
There is something spiritual to be able to climb a tree. A chance to get back to a simpler time. To be able to become one with your wonderful creation and to observe and participate in your truly alive world. I hear the locust in the field and the birds chirping. Different kinds of birds, some with longer lower pitched tones and others are higher and shorter pitched. I hear the squirrel as he jumps from branch to branch and wonder at his ability and faith as he throws himself into the void. I feel the breeze as it blows on the back of my neck and with and listen as it moves effortlessly through the trees causing them to shift and sway. The bark is rough beneath me, but I feel the soft and squishiness of the moss and lichens. I see where they have stained the paper I write on. In the distance I hear life going on around me, but here it is slowed down and I can listen. I can reflect on your creation and how thankful I am to be counted among it. Instead of telling you what I want and need, I can let you tell me. There are many parts to prayer and conversation with you, but I always forget that conversation goes two ways.

Thank You Lord.

Lord,
There is something spiritual to be able to stroll through a cemetery. A chance to reflect on those that came before me. To contemplate on their role in your story and mine. To realize that each one was loved by family, friend, and by you. I see the stones and look at the dates inscribed in them. Many lived on this earth long before me, my parents, or even grandparents were born. They are still a part of my Christian heritage. Some of the names say Mother, Father, Wife, Husband and the stones are faded as their loved ones have joined them in your glory. Many people fear a cemetery as a scary place, but I see it as a loving and alive place. A place with a million stories about you, and maybe even me.

Thank You Lord.

Lord,
There is something spiritual to be able to take a nighttime stroll through a solitary field, listening to music that praises you. A chance to feel in your presence and spread my arms out as far as I can. To sing out loud at the top of my lungs, and know that you are the only person that can hear my prayer. My walk was a long one as I could feel the light drizzle on my skin, and feel the wetness of the grass soak through my shoes and jeans. It was a starless, moonless night, and yet I could see everything so perfectly in the field. I was up on a hill looking over the lights off in the distance a few miles away. I was able to just concentrate on praising you, Lord, with no worries about reading, or papers, or money on my mind. As I sing to the heavens and spin around with my arms spread wide, I know you are with me.

Thank You Lord.

Lord,

There is something spiritual about a retreat. A chance to pull over from the journey of life. To refresh and renew myself. To be able to pull out my “map” and see where I have been, and recheck where I am going.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU LORD!

The Journey

I knew this day would come when I moved here to Iowa. Today was a beautiful day, it was that perfect temperature where you decide to wear a long sleeve shirt, but feel nice and warm outside. In the evening it has just that little nip in the air, but the cool air just feels so good as you breathe it in. It was just the kind of night that I used to love most in Colorado. If I was home tonight I would have hopped in my car and taken a nice scenic drive up to Rocky Mountain National Park, or possibly Pinewood Reservoir. I would have gotten out of my car, turned off all the lights, and laid down on the hood of my car to gaze up at the stars in the solitude of the mountains I love. Instead I'm making flash cards for my Greek class tomorrow.
Today was a long day for me. I completed my first pseudo all nighter last night by going to bed at midnight, but getting up today at 4:30 to complete a paper for class. I think a lot of people are feeling tired today as well though. After chapel today a group including me and seven other friends were standing around and we were all quiet; no talking just standing around. Normally these friends are like me, you can't get us to shut up, not today. I normally love a good question or difficult topic to think about. Maybe for the first time in my life, I don't want to think for 12 hours or so.
Our Spiritual Formation Class today spoke about how today we don't stop to enjoy the journey, but instead race from destination to destination. Christ on the other hand accomplished his entire earthly ministry on the way to his destination. I have some newlywed friends who are going to drop some classes tomorrow most likely, for this reason. They are finding it difficult to do homework, classes, jobs, and other responsibilities as well as take time to enjoy each other in the first year of their marriage. Seminary is not a destination, it's a journey and one to be cherished and enjoyed. I'm making a pledge to myself to not let myself become burned out on the whole academic side of things, but to enjoy my journey as well. I'm going to enjoy the little things and not always focus on the big. Today was a great joy, with the weather so nice, me and two friends before lunch just found a big patch of grass at Westminster Presbyterian Church and just laid down on our backs and chatted for a while. No stresses, no worries, no cares, just nice relaxing conversation. I liked that. Tomorrow I'm going on a retreat with many others in the seminary. The topic of the retreat is going to be prayer; something else that I have probably been neglecting in my life. It's going to be a good weekend to get a few things back on track.
The other day we did an exercise in class where we were to focus on a word or phrase as a piece of scripture was read in class. The phrase that struck a chord with me was "give thanks" which was ironic as it was mentioned once and stuck with me, but then was repeated in the text later on as well. I was reflecting on that today, and I realized that it is very easy for me to give thanks about all of the wonderful things that have happened to me here. I give thanks everyday for the great people and wonderful community. I need to take time and give thanks for the difficult things as well. It is all meant to help prepare me, even though it sometimes is difficult and tough to appreciate at the time.

Lord, thank you.

Thank you for the journey you have called me to embark on. Help to enjoy the wondrous sights, smells, scents, and other wonders of this trip instead of focusing solely on the road ahead. Help me to not try and travel the road so fast that I miss your signs on the side of the road in my haste. Help me to be a considerate driver that everybody traveling the same road as me can benefit from my presence and me theirs. Lord, every long journey will encounter storms where the road gets treacherous. Help me to keep my car on the road, and help me to realize when sometimes it's just time to pull off for a quick rest. Bless this trip Lord and while I look forward to the destination, let me remember the journey just as much.

In your holy name Lord, Amen.

Heroes

I found out on Wednesday at about 7:00 that is was my roommate Samuel's birthday. Let me tell you, when you live with somebody and don't even realize that it's their birthday, and somebody else has to tell you that it is, you feel a bit like a schmuck. Not that anybody was holding it over my head, but I made up for it today and took him out for a real honest to God, down-home cooking, American style feast......ok so I took him to Red Robin, but that's good American food in my book. There were six of us that went, and we had a pretty good time. I ordered him a true American classic, the bacon cheeseburger with the Red Robin bottomless french fries, which I had as well. I think he was confused when I asked the waitress if it mattered if his birthday was a couple days ago not knowing what I had in store for him, but he said he was honored when the wait staff presented him with a free sundae and sang him happy birthday for his 21st birthday. He was a little confused with that though when he had just told them he was 36. It's been a lot of fun introducing him to cooking, american style football, and beer. Oops did I say that?
I've also discovered a pretty cool place to go hike here in Dubuque. I went the other night with a friend on campus to a place called the Mines of Spain. I saw the sign driving in but just figured that it was a cheesy tourist trap type place. Turns out that it's a great big park on the river with some great hiking trails in the hills, and some pretty cool benches that overlook the river. It's a great view of the city and river in the evening too. I miss the mountains to walk in greatly, but it's nice to find a new hidey hole here that I can escape to on occasion and get away.
I never have gotten the chance to describe my trip to Port Author this summer, and I don't have enough time to go into great detail anymore, but I wanted to share one photo I took of some of our kids in action. I was told that it makes them look like heroes, and in my book they really are.

Ganglylove?

I'm used to getting either stared at, or laughed at when I let people know where to go if they want to read my blog. I gave it a lot of thought before I finally decided to use Ganglylove as my name for everybody to see. The connotations of the name in secular society brings images that cause these strange looks that I get, but there is a reason behind both the name and my choice to use it here.
If you look up gangly in the dictionary, you will see it is defined as awkwardly tall and spindly or ungracefully tall and thin. For good reason I was given the name Gangles in my high school years. I was tall, thin and probably a danger to anybody walking near me. Clumsy is probably also a good word. Ganglylove came about one day as the song Tainted Love was playing on the radio. I was sitting with a group of friends and one of them starts singing along to the song, but instead of using the correct words, the words gangly love are substituted. The name pretty much stuck. I will admit that it has been used for bad reasons in the past as young college guys will do, but as I have grown older I have felt a new meaning to this name in my life.
As Christians we are called to love God and love our neighbors first and foremost in our lives. I would like to think that I have a very loving heart and do a good job of demonstrating this first fruit of the spirit in my life. I also realize that in showing love I am still very gangly in my life. I have known some of the most graceful people in my life. They always know the perfect words to say and just how to connect to somebody who is hurting in this world. That is not me. I say awkward things at times, and I stumble over myself trying to solve problems when I should just be listening. I don't take initiative when I should, and yet sometimes I try to overpower a situation when I need to be gentle. I bring a light hearted and joyfully boisterous presence that will never be called graceful, but is still just as full as love. I'm happy and confident with the love that I show, but I'm also fine with still being that awkward and ungraceful tall and lanky kid in both body and spirit.

Classes, week 1.

So... one week down with many more to go. The bad news I guess is that I feel that I'm already behind on all of the reading that I need to do for class. The good news is that I finish my first week of seminary feeling very confident in my abilities to accomplish what I came for. I have a very full schedule of classes on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, but no classes (or anything else for that matter) on Monday and Friday. My first class everyday is Greek I. This is the class that I think I have been the most nervous about since day one. In the first week we have learned the Greek alphabet and have already been quizzed over it. There is going to be a lot of work involved in this class, but I really like the instructor and I already know the Greek tutor she has set up as well. I have found my roommate Eric to be a good study partner as well when he is in town. All in all I think I will enjoy this class. After Greek everyday Chapel meets. While this is not mandatory, I made it mandatory for me. It's amazing to be able to take an hour out of each day between classes to devote to worship. It's a great reminder of why I am here, and it ensures that I won't let the daily grind of school turn this experience into just another masters program. After taking my Greek quiz on Thursday, I went into chapel and at the prelude music I closed my eyes and could literally feel every muscle in my body just start to relax and become calm. Tuesdays and Thursdays I follow up on chapel with my Introduction to the Old Testament class. This is probably going to be the class that I like the least, but was probably the one I looked forward to most going in. I really like the instructor of the class; a very spunky older lady, but I have trouble following her lectures in class and I'm not a big fan of her textbook. I don't worry about passing, but I don't think I will look forward to the lectures as much as I will others I have. My third class on both days follows lunch and is Early and Medieval Church History. If OT will be my least favorite class, this will probably be my favorite class. This tends to be a class that a lot of people don't like, but I love the subject matter, and the professor who teaches it is probably the best that I have. It's taught in a lecture hall type setting since every incoming student must take it (all 40ish), but the professor is very organized and puts his notes up on a screen so it's easier for somebody like me to listen and take notes at the same time. I really have enjoyed the textbook for this class as well. The last class on Tuesday and Thursday is Foundations of Worship. The Associate Dean of the seminary is the instructor of this class, and his passion for the subject really shines through in this class. It is going to be a lot of work I think, but I feel that I will really enjoy this class as well. My other two classes meet on Wednesday. Following chapel that day I meet with my Spiritual Formation Group. This is a required course for the first year students (I really hesitate to call it a course though) which puts students in small groups with a faculty advisor to encourage students to explore spiritual disciplines and practices. It’s a unique concept and one of the reasons that I picked Dubuque as well. My last class on Wednesday is a three hour course after lunch on Presbyterian History and Confessions. The instructor is the same as my church history class and has really divided the three hours into two classes, one on the history and one on the confessions. It's a nice way to break up the time in class and give both hours a different feel. All in all it's a 16 credit load, which is a lot, but as I said before I feel good about everything.

I have also gone through with turning in my application (if that's what it was?) to get on the ballot for student council. I have no clue what comes next or how/when one gets elected, but I'm pretty content to play this one by ear. I'm not tied to the idea of being elected, but for some reason I really felt called to putting my name in. I have always run from any organization like this, and I sometimes question my leadership skills for something like this, but I'm trying to keep my mind open to what I feel God wants me to do and well......

Thursday was a lot of fun for me, but I really think that I try and put too many things into too small of a space. After class I came home and had a bite to eat. Following that I went up to the practice football fields above the townhouses I live in and played about an hour of ultimate Frisbee with some friends here. Immediately following that I rushed back home to change so I could go out for some drinks with another group of friends here. I organized this outing to celebrate my making it through the first week of classes unscathed. On the way back to campus I mentioned that I enjoyed poker and I was invited over to another townhouse to play with yet another group that was playing that night. I got home at about 11:30 that night and pretty much crashed. It really is a special community that I have been able to join here, and I thank God daily for the opportunities he has given me to be a part of this.

I just got back from a trip to Chicago today. I found out Thursday as well that friends of mine from back home, James and Alice, were going to be in Chicago this weekend. I arranged with them to drive up to see them on Saturday evening and James and I watched the Colorado State football game versus Colorado. It was great to see the Rams win. We followed that up with the Ohio State victory over Texas while I tried to teach his two year old who for and when to cheer. It didn't work out that great, but it was a lot of fun to watch her enthusiasm even if it always came late or at the wrong time. I was treated to an incredible spaghetti dinner that night and was given a room to stay overnight at Alice's dad's house and left this morning to go see my roommate preach at one of his church's near Rockford. It was an odd experience for me to sit in a worship service attended by probably under 20 people in a very small church, but it was also refreshing to be welcomed so warmly and have people take a genuine interest in me as well. Eric gave a remarkable sermon that made me think, which is always something I appreciate. Afterward I followed Eric home to have lunch with his wife. They treated me to some great sandwiches and football on the TV. Before heading back to Dubuque Eric drove me to the largest of the churches he serves at (it's a 3 church coop). It was a very nice church that reminded me a bit of Mountain View as far as its size goes. The drive home was very nice, if very rainy. I really do like this area of the country with its rolling hills and very green trees everywhere.

Tomorrow I've organized a fantasy football league with some other of the first year guys and we have our draft during the Monday Night Football game. I probably need all the luck I can get with this draft as I have not had a great week in my other league. Oh Well.

I can't express just how blessed I really feel at this point in my life. Looking back at things a year ago I would have said that I was in the best place I had ever been in my life. I worked for a great Christian company, made more money then I ever had before and had a great group of friends. One year later I find myself as poor as I have ever been, living halfway across the country going to school full time. I have sold almost everything I own, but I feel more free then I ever have before. I still have the great friends I have made in Colorado over the years, but have added to their number all of the great friends I have in Iowa as well now. God has been great to me, and I can't wait to see what he has in store for me next.

Seashells and the beach

I have a cool little sea shell sitting on my desk right now. It's a reminder of a great chapel service we had to wrap up the orientation process on Saturday. Part of the chapel service was a renewal of our Baptism vows. Because you can't rebaptize somebody they had the program set up where we went up to the front of the chapel and were given a shell (I guess symbolizing what they used a long time ago during baptism) that was immersed in water. Feeling the wetness of the shell between my fingers really hit home for me the whole message of rededicating my life for Christ. It was a pretty amazing moment for me.
The rest of the day was very cool as well as the whole incoming class was taken to a low ropes course north of town. We were split into 4 teams and were able to do all of the stations in the course with our team. It was a really good way to start building teamwork and trust with many of my classmates before school ever really started.
The first day of class begins tomorrow and I get to attend my very first seminary class at 8:30. I don't know whether to cheer that I'm beginning, or to go hide since I get to start first thing every day with the class I'm most fearful of....Greek. It should be a very difficult, but ultimately great experience I'm sure.

I had some really neat news come my way today as well. When I left Loveland and said goodbye to one of my best friends in the world, Angie, I told her that I wanted to be invited to her wedding (no she was not engaged). Today that wedding became official when she told me that her boyfriend proposed to her on a beach in Mexico on Thursday. This continues a sting of my ex's who have married the next person they dated after me, but it's all a cool thing, and something that I like to joke about. I guess the wedding won't be for another year, so no travel worries yet.
My friend Dave is happy at the moment as his football team has just beat one of my favorite teams tonight and I just got off the phone with him gloating. Oh well, I guess there is always next year......

Orientation

Jesus went to the wilderness before he began his ministry. Having been without my lifeline to the world, the internet, for the past few weeks I feel almost like I have been in the wilderness as well before I enter my seminary studies in earnest. I did arrive in Dubuque on the evening of the 23rd and almost instantly started to feel at home. I got in and checked into my townhouse unit at about 5:00 and was told while going through the process that at 5:30 every Wednesday till the snow flies that the residents of Seminary Village (were I am living) gather in the middle of the cul-de-sac for a BBQ. I was invited to come, so 30 minutes after pulling into town I was already getting to meet everybody who will be living and attending classes with me. It really is a neat community that I am going to be able to be a part of.
I spent most of the next week feeling a little bit bored as I didn't have a great deal of things to do, but I did get to attend church at a local church on Sunday morning. The pastor of the church is the wife of my academic advisor (and very well respected professor) and the church was very very welcoming. It was a little smaller then I'm used to and in a much older and pretty quaint building, but it was neat. I think I will probably make this my home church while I'm in town, but will probably visit some other churches from time to time to change things up.
My roommates all arrived a few days before orientation started and they are all very neat people but pretty different. I probably have the most in common with Eric, the first to arrive. He is a sports fan like myself and will only be living on campus a few days a week. He works in a coop of Methodist churches in Illinois and will travel between his home there and here. He is married and has a very sweet wife who is also studying to get a masters degree back at home in teaching while Eric is here. The second roommate to arrive came a few nights ago from the Sudan. Samuel is probably the quietest of the four of us but has had to hurdle many barriers to arrive here to study. He will be here for only one year, but I have a feeling that I will keep in good contact with him when he returns back to his home at the end of the year. He has left behind his wife and 4 kids to be here. I have seen photos and they are a beautiful family. Samuel is part of the Anglican Church in the Sudan and has already accomplished a great deal of important things in his ministry there. I know he will do great things someday. The last roomie to arrive is Gabriel who has come here from Ghana. As Samuel is the quietest one of us, Gabriel is by far the most vocal and animated of the group. He is very interested in music and is always in a very joyous mood. He is just getting over his jet lag and has also gone through a great deal to get here as well. He is actively recruiting me to venture to Ghana someday to see his home. He also has left a family behind with a wife and son back home.
Yesterday was the first day of orientation for the seminary program and life has been a bit of a blur the past few days. We have had a chapel service the beginning of each day so far and will again tomorrow. It is soo incredible to have worship play such a key element of every day. We will also have chapel every Tue, Wed and Thur while school is in session. I really do look forward to having that guidance while I'm here. Yesterday was spent mostly with the basics of school. We did a tour of the library and received our access codes to the internet. We also were given information on many of the programs offered here at the seminary. I am really seriously thinking about running for the student government here, and I think I would have a very solid chance of being elected. We also did some Ministry Profile tests yesterday which took way too long (500 questions long), but I do look forward to seeing the results from the test (imagine something like a very very very in depth personality profile test). We finished the day splitting up to have desserts at the home of selected faculty members. I was able to attend dessert at the home of Dr. Thompson and her husband not far from campus. She will be my Greek professor this year and I had a very fun time. Today was dedicated more to preparing for classes, but we started the day after chapel with time to share with the rest of the group what we had to leave behind to attend seminary. It was a pretty emotional time for some people and it was neat to glean a part of other student’s life as they shared. I shared 3 photos showing the youth group at Mountain View, me and the guys at a baseball game last year, and Sassy. The rest of the day we met with our advisors, registered for classes, did an interview portion to the tests we took yesterday, and purchased our books for the semester. Buying the books finally really gave the realization of just how much of a masters program this is going to be. I was not able to purchase all of the books I needed because the book store ran out of a few of the titles I need, but I still came home with 23 books to read this semester. They say they figure for every credit hour you take, you will have 3 hours of homework a week. I'm taking 16 credits so figure about 48 hours of homework to go with 16 hours of class time to go with my desire to find a part time job for about 15 hours a week. I'm going to be a busy boy.
Tomorrow is the last day of orientation and we are going to be doing some team building at a low ropes course near the campus (I'm not supposed to know the activity, but.....). Following that will be a picnic lunch and then a final weekend to be able to rest a bit. I'm really looking forward to everything, and for maybe the first time in my entire life, I'm really anticipating classes starting.