Homecoming

I love to hop in my car and just drive sometimes. I'll get a thought in my head that I feel like thinking through, and will just jump into my Grand Am and hit the road for hours at a time. I've found that I've been forced to change that pattern lately though. As gas prices have gone up through the roof, and the miles on my car have steadily climbed past the 100,000 miles mark, I've taken to reflecting on my thoughts in a new place. It's about 10:30 at night and I'm sitting in the dark sanctuary at First Pres. I first came and sat here last week as I was thinking through my sermon on Elijah's encounter with God in complete silence on Mount Horeb. As I was sitting there reflecting on what silence sounded like I realized all the noise that we don't even notice in our lives. I could hear the century old building creak and moan, and the occasional car drive by on the street outside the beautiful stained glass windows. I could hear the wind as it softly whispered by the steeple above me. I could also hear the steady click, click, click of the inexpensive plastic clock that hangs above the doors in the rear; a gentle reminder to the pastor that our lives are so important that we often times are unwilling to give more then the weekly sacred hour to our faith. That though is another post altogether, for when I am in a different mood.
I spent some time today speaking with good friends back in Colorado, preparing for my trip there in August. It seems that no matter how much time I spend when I go back, I never have even a minute to slow down and relax. That's very depressing in some ways, and in others it's a great feeling to have so many people that I care about, and who care about me that I want to make sure I schedule to see. I miss my home. I think about Loveland often, and I long for the daily view of the Rocky Mountains that I took for granted living in my childhood home. I miss the dry climate, and the 300 plus days of sunshine. I miss smelling pine trees as I drive up the Big Thompson Canyon toward Estes Park. I miss my friends. I miss my church. I miss my home.
I was watching a movie tonight on cable TV that I really never wanted to see, but got stuck on while channel surfing tonight. It has one of my favorite actresses though and got me to thinking about our love for home; our love for the comfort of being where we belong. In this movie, the girl had everything she could ever want, but she was willing to give it all up; wealth, fame, comfort, and even love, to return to the place in the world that was home. I have given up on ever being able to return to Loveland to live. I would be willing to bet that I won't be living in my beloved Colorado anytime soon in my life. I firmly believe that any place can become home, and that it's the friends and memories of a place that you make that will eventually become home. I have that kind of feeling with Dubuque and the community of the seminary. I will someday leave that home as well to follow the call Jesus has put on my life and I'm happy with that. I will always have a place in my heart for Colorado though. There is something about sitting on my rock at Pinewood reservoir that makes me feel closer to God. There is something about laying on the hood of my car, looking at the stars from Rocky Mountain National Park that puts meaning in my faith. There is something about sitting around a mountain campfire at Highlands Camp that lets me know God is speaking to me personally, that I don't get in Iowa, or Wisconsin.
There is one other home that gathered new meaning for me this week though. I led my first funeral service this weekend. It was a remarkable experience for a man who did some remarkable things. He was a teacher who still was in contact with many of his old students, calling many of them weekly. This is remarkable enough in itself, but becomes even more remarkable when you realize these students graduated high school 50 years ago, and that this gentleman was 90 years old. I found it fitting that as somebody known his whole life as an educator was still helping to educate me, even following his death. It was a bit of a struggle for me to plan and prepare for the funeral, but it's something that I really found a lot of pleasure doing. I have heard many pastors say they would rather do a funeral then a wedding service, and I can see why (but I'm not willing to say that statement yet). Planning a sermon and the rest of the service helped open my eyes to the true meaning of a funeral service, and the joy that can come from celebrating the life of somebody who has come and gone before us. It's a reminder that this is a time of celebration as somebody through the power of Christ's resurrection from death on the cross, has finally gone home. That somebody has gone to a home that we long for even more then our homes here on earth. That a 90 year old named Norm has gone to a home that is better then even the Colorado home I still miss. It's great to go home!

Heart of Worship

I just finished leading my first worship service from start to finish. I have preached before, and led liturgy, and selected music, but the pastor is now on vacation for 4 weeks and I was responsible for the whole service today. I'll be honest and say that it is a bit of a relief to be done with it, but things went very well and I had a great time. I know there were a few mistakes and such, but I'm not looking for perfection, simply an honest and authentic time of worship for those present. As a pastor it's sometimes easy to forget what worship is about and focus on things such as style, delivery and look. It's easy to think that worship is about you and what you do in the front of the room. When that happens worship ceases to be worship and becomes a performance. I struggle with this dichotomy sometimes as I realize that worship is all about God, but still want to be the best leader of worship I can be. It's also easy to get addicted to all the comments of praise and encouragement I get each week. Because I'm an intern people continue to go out of their way to say nice things to me. Over time these comments will go away, they don't last. It can be easy to take that as a sign that you are no longer being successful. I said a prayer today, but I can't take credit for writing it. It's a song by Sonic Flood that was shown to me by a good friend a few years back. It's an important prayer for anybody who leads in worship to hear now and again.

King of endless worth
No one could express
How much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is Yours
Every single breath

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
It's all about you
All about you, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about you, Jesus

A good walk ruined

As far as I can tell, this is what Mark Twain said about Golf. I think I may have to agree with him.
I drove down to Dubuque this weekend to collect the mail that I forgot to have forwarded to me this summer. With a tuition bill and my grades for the semester (did pretty well) having been mailed to my mailbox back in Dubuque, I figured I should go pick everything up. I drove up Friday afternoon on my day off listening to reports of tornado warnings in some of the counties that I was driving towards and through. It's a little unnerving to hear the warnings, but with the exception of some light rain it was a nice drive. I even stopped to snap a few photos of farm country with the Mississippi in the background.

"Golf is not a game, it's bondage. It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins." - Jim Murray

It was nice being back on campus, but strange to come onto campus not as a resident, but a visitor. I didn't have my own townhouse to sleep in, but instead had to crash on the sofa of some friends. It wasn't the most comfortable I've ever slept, but it's great having people who are willing to put me up on a days notice, even though they already have a guest from California staying with them as well. Last night the friends I stayed with, and some other friends got together to play some cards. It was a new game I had never played before, but I picked it up pretty quickly. I have a reputation for being pretty competitive, and I was again last night, but in the end I did lose. It's funny how I love competition. I would never watch anything like a cooking show, but turn it into a competition like Iron Chef and I'm hooked. I wouldn't touch a single thing on the menu, but I can't turn the show off until I know who wins.

"If you think golf is relaxing, you're not playing it right." - Bob Hope

I did get a nice surprise when I checked my mail last night as well. I had a nice check in the mail from my church back home. It was completely unexpected, but so very appreciated. It's always a nice reminder that there are people back home that are praying for me and encouraging me in what I'm doing. I love the church.

"Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the
easiest to cheat at." - Dave Hill

Yes, I went a played some golf with Kelsey, her father, and Matt today. I don't know whether I like golf or hate golf. It's supposed to be considered recreation, yet I always want to wrap my clubs around a tree as I feel by blood pressure rise by the end of the game. I was told by Kelsey that I shot a 32 for the nine holes we played today. She was being very kind to me because I had 32 strokes by the time I hit the 3rd or 4th hole. You are officially horrible at this game if it takes you 6 strokes to get on the green and another 4 putts to sink the ball on a par 4. This is a game that I can't master it seems no matter how hard I try. I want to be competitive with others, but I will go with people who are playing their first game in years, and they will destroy me. It's frustrating to the extreme to be so bad at something. I decided for that very reason, golf is actually good for me. It may not be relaxing or enjoyable for me most of the time, but it does help teach me humility. It helps me to enjoy and relax in the surrounding, and forget about competing. It shows me that I don't always have to be the best at something. It also shows me what good friends I have as they remain patient with me throughout the entire episode. Golf is a crazy thing, but I'm sure I'll go play again the very next time I'm invited.