Response to news.

I'm upset. I have just finished a long week of school that saw many positive things happen this week. I am looking forward to a few days rest mixed with some reading, and maybe a bit more reading, but mostly rest, but I'm irked. I sat down to express all the positive things that are happening in my life, but now some confusion sets in.

Everybody experiences those news events that shape your life, and redefine your culture. Most people in my grandparent’s generation can tell you exactly where they were when they heard about the bombing of Pearl Harbor. For my parents generation, they can tell you exactly what they were doing when they heard that President Kennedy, and later Reagan were shot. My similar memories include three. The most obvious is I will never forget where I was when I turned on the television to see a jet fly into the twin towers. My second memory is when I was much younger and was told by my fourth grade teacher that the shuttle Challenger had exploded on takeoff. I also have one more such memory. I will never forget sitting in my car trying to turn right onto Laurel Ave as I turned on my radio and heard that there were gunmen reported in Columbine High School.

I never knew anybody in the school at Columbine, but it was a school I was very familiar with having lived in Colorado most of my life. I have also known a lot of people who did know people who were in the school at the time, and even more importantly, somebody who visited the school that very morning to have lunch with a former teacher of his. He had lunch with Dave Sanders, the teacher who was killed.

I'm upset because as I sat down to do some journaling I read that there has been yet another school shooting in the state that I love, in a city that again I know. Like last time I don't know anybody at the school, but I do know friends who grew up there and are associated with the city. Again there may be friends of mine affected.

A few weeks ago there was a shooting of a young boy in a city near Dubuque. A few students in the seminary program here are pastors, or student pastors in that area, and they were called in to help with counseling the community. Looking back on school shootings, there is always a pattern where police are questioned and blamed for not doing the right thing. Blame is placed on people, who regardless of if they could have some something differently, did something to the best of their ability out of a love for humankind in trying to make a difference. As a pastor I think people step into that same kind of spotlight for criticism. They do what they do out of a love of God and other people (see Mat 22:37-40) but what if they do or say something wrong. I don't know if I could ever have answers for what happens in this school. I question why things like this happen myself, and wonder at how free will versus Gods providence relate. Someday I hope to be able to answer those questions myself, let along guide others in that same search. I am at awe of those who can step into these situations and make a difference, and maybe someday I will to, but for now all I can do is ask for prayers for not only the victims of this tragedy, but also for those who are there trying to make a difference in the lives of the victims.

There is something spiritual...

Lord,
There is something spiritual to be able to climb a tree. A chance to get back to a simpler time. To be able to become one with your wonderful creation and to observe and participate in your truly alive world. I hear the locust in the field and the birds chirping. Different kinds of birds, some with longer lower pitched tones and others are higher and shorter pitched. I hear the squirrel as he jumps from branch to branch and wonder at his ability and faith as he throws himself into the void. I feel the breeze as it blows on the back of my neck and with and listen as it moves effortlessly through the trees causing them to shift and sway. The bark is rough beneath me, but I feel the soft and squishiness of the moss and lichens. I see where they have stained the paper I write on. In the distance I hear life going on around me, but here it is slowed down and I can listen. I can reflect on your creation and how thankful I am to be counted among it. Instead of telling you what I want and need, I can let you tell me. There are many parts to prayer and conversation with you, but I always forget that conversation goes two ways.

Thank You Lord.

Lord,
There is something spiritual to be able to stroll through a cemetery. A chance to reflect on those that came before me. To contemplate on their role in your story and mine. To realize that each one was loved by family, friend, and by you. I see the stones and look at the dates inscribed in them. Many lived on this earth long before me, my parents, or even grandparents were born. They are still a part of my Christian heritage. Some of the names say Mother, Father, Wife, Husband and the stones are faded as their loved ones have joined them in your glory. Many people fear a cemetery as a scary place, but I see it as a loving and alive place. A place with a million stories about you, and maybe even me.

Thank You Lord.

Lord,
There is something spiritual to be able to take a nighttime stroll through a solitary field, listening to music that praises you. A chance to feel in your presence and spread my arms out as far as I can. To sing out loud at the top of my lungs, and know that you are the only person that can hear my prayer. My walk was a long one as I could feel the light drizzle on my skin, and feel the wetness of the grass soak through my shoes and jeans. It was a starless, moonless night, and yet I could see everything so perfectly in the field. I was up on a hill looking over the lights off in the distance a few miles away. I was able to just concentrate on praising you, Lord, with no worries about reading, or papers, or money on my mind. As I sing to the heavens and spin around with my arms spread wide, I know you are with me.

Thank You Lord.

Lord,

There is something spiritual about a retreat. A chance to pull over from the journey of life. To refresh and renew myself. To be able to pull out my “map” and see where I have been, and recheck where I am going.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU LORD!

The Journey

I knew this day would come when I moved here to Iowa. Today was a beautiful day, it was that perfect temperature where you decide to wear a long sleeve shirt, but feel nice and warm outside. In the evening it has just that little nip in the air, but the cool air just feels so good as you breathe it in. It was just the kind of night that I used to love most in Colorado. If I was home tonight I would have hopped in my car and taken a nice scenic drive up to Rocky Mountain National Park, or possibly Pinewood Reservoir. I would have gotten out of my car, turned off all the lights, and laid down on the hood of my car to gaze up at the stars in the solitude of the mountains I love. Instead I'm making flash cards for my Greek class tomorrow.
Today was a long day for me. I completed my first pseudo all nighter last night by going to bed at midnight, but getting up today at 4:30 to complete a paper for class. I think a lot of people are feeling tired today as well though. After chapel today a group including me and seven other friends were standing around and we were all quiet; no talking just standing around. Normally these friends are like me, you can't get us to shut up, not today. I normally love a good question or difficult topic to think about. Maybe for the first time in my life, I don't want to think for 12 hours or so.
Our Spiritual Formation Class today spoke about how today we don't stop to enjoy the journey, but instead race from destination to destination. Christ on the other hand accomplished his entire earthly ministry on the way to his destination. I have some newlywed friends who are going to drop some classes tomorrow most likely, for this reason. They are finding it difficult to do homework, classes, jobs, and other responsibilities as well as take time to enjoy each other in the first year of their marriage. Seminary is not a destination, it's a journey and one to be cherished and enjoyed. I'm making a pledge to myself to not let myself become burned out on the whole academic side of things, but to enjoy my journey as well. I'm going to enjoy the little things and not always focus on the big. Today was a great joy, with the weather so nice, me and two friends before lunch just found a big patch of grass at Westminster Presbyterian Church and just laid down on our backs and chatted for a while. No stresses, no worries, no cares, just nice relaxing conversation. I liked that. Tomorrow I'm going on a retreat with many others in the seminary. The topic of the retreat is going to be prayer; something else that I have probably been neglecting in my life. It's going to be a good weekend to get a few things back on track.
The other day we did an exercise in class where we were to focus on a word or phrase as a piece of scripture was read in class. The phrase that struck a chord with me was "give thanks" which was ironic as it was mentioned once and stuck with me, but then was repeated in the text later on as well. I was reflecting on that today, and I realized that it is very easy for me to give thanks about all of the wonderful things that have happened to me here. I give thanks everyday for the great people and wonderful community. I need to take time and give thanks for the difficult things as well. It is all meant to help prepare me, even though it sometimes is difficult and tough to appreciate at the time.

Lord, thank you.

Thank you for the journey you have called me to embark on. Help to enjoy the wondrous sights, smells, scents, and other wonders of this trip instead of focusing solely on the road ahead. Help me to not try and travel the road so fast that I miss your signs on the side of the road in my haste. Help me to be a considerate driver that everybody traveling the same road as me can benefit from my presence and me theirs. Lord, every long journey will encounter storms where the road gets treacherous. Help me to keep my car on the road, and help me to realize when sometimes it's just time to pull off for a quick rest. Bless this trip Lord and while I look forward to the destination, let me remember the journey just as much.

In your holy name Lord, Amen.

Heroes

I found out on Wednesday at about 7:00 that is was my roommate Samuel's birthday. Let me tell you, when you live with somebody and don't even realize that it's their birthday, and somebody else has to tell you that it is, you feel a bit like a schmuck. Not that anybody was holding it over my head, but I made up for it today and took him out for a real honest to God, down-home cooking, American style feast......ok so I took him to Red Robin, but that's good American food in my book. There were six of us that went, and we had a pretty good time. I ordered him a true American classic, the bacon cheeseburger with the Red Robin bottomless french fries, which I had as well. I think he was confused when I asked the waitress if it mattered if his birthday was a couple days ago not knowing what I had in store for him, but he said he was honored when the wait staff presented him with a free sundae and sang him happy birthday for his 21st birthday. He was a little confused with that though when he had just told them he was 36. It's been a lot of fun introducing him to cooking, american style football, and beer. Oops did I say that?
I've also discovered a pretty cool place to go hike here in Dubuque. I went the other night with a friend on campus to a place called the Mines of Spain. I saw the sign driving in but just figured that it was a cheesy tourist trap type place. Turns out that it's a great big park on the river with some great hiking trails in the hills, and some pretty cool benches that overlook the river. It's a great view of the city and river in the evening too. I miss the mountains to walk in greatly, but it's nice to find a new hidey hole here that I can escape to on occasion and get away.
I never have gotten the chance to describe my trip to Port Author this summer, and I don't have enough time to go into great detail anymore, but I wanted to share one photo I took of some of our kids in action. I was told that it makes them look like heroes, and in my book they really are.

Ganglylove?

I'm used to getting either stared at, or laughed at when I let people know where to go if they want to read my blog. I gave it a lot of thought before I finally decided to use Ganglylove as my name for everybody to see. The connotations of the name in secular society brings images that cause these strange looks that I get, but there is a reason behind both the name and my choice to use it here.
If you look up gangly in the dictionary, you will see it is defined as awkwardly tall and spindly or ungracefully tall and thin. For good reason I was given the name Gangles in my high school years. I was tall, thin and probably a danger to anybody walking near me. Clumsy is probably also a good word. Ganglylove came about one day as the song Tainted Love was playing on the radio. I was sitting with a group of friends and one of them starts singing along to the song, but instead of using the correct words, the words gangly love are substituted. The name pretty much stuck. I will admit that it has been used for bad reasons in the past as young college guys will do, but as I have grown older I have felt a new meaning to this name in my life.
As Christians we are called to love God and love our neighbors first and foremost in our lives. I would like to think that I have a very loving heart and do a good job of demonstrating this first fruit of the spirit in my life. I also realize that in showing love I am still very gangly in my life. I have known some of the most graceful people in my life. They always know the perfect words to say and just how to connect to somebody who is hurting in this world. That is not me. I say awkward things at times, and I stumble over myself trying to solve problems when I should just be listening. I don't take initiative when I should, and yet sometimes I try to overpower a situation when I need to be gentle. I bring a light hearted and joyfully boisterous presence that will never be called graceful, but is still just as full as love. I'm happy and confident with the love that I show, but I'm also fine with still being that awkward and ungraceful tall and lanky kid in both body and spirit.

Classes, week 1.

So... one week down with many more to go. The bad news I guess is that I feel that I'm already behind on all of the reading that I need to do for class. The good news is that I finish my first week of seminary feeling very confident in my abilities to accomplish what I came for. I have a very full schedule of classes on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, but no classes (or anything else for that matter) on Monday and Friday. My first class everyday is Greek I. This is the class that I think I have been the most nervous about since day one. In the first week we have learned the Greek alphabet and have already been quizzed over it. There is going to be a lot of work involved in this class, but I really like the instructor and I already know the Greek tutor she has set up as well. I have found my roommate Eric to be a good study partner as well when he is in town. All in all I think I will enjoy this class. After Greek everyday Chapel meets. While this is not mandatory, I made it mandatory for me. It's amazing to be able to take an hour out of each day between classes to devote to worship. It's a great reminder of why I am here, and it ensures that I won't let the daily grind of school turn this experience into just another masters program. After taking my Greek quiz on Thursday, I went into chapel and at the prelude music I closed my eyes and could literally feel every muscle in my body just start to relax and become calm. Tuesdays and Thursdays I follow up on chapel with my Introduction to the Old Testament class. This is probably going to be the class that I like the least, but was probably the one I looked forward to most going in. I really like the instructor of the class; a very spunky older lady, but I have trouble following her lectures in class and I'm not a big fan of her textbook. I don't worry about passing, but I don't think I will look forward to the lectures as much as I will others I have. My third class on both days follows lunch and is Early and Medieval Church History. If OT will be my least favorite class, this will probably be my favorite class. This tends to be a class that a lot of people don't like, but I love the subject matter, and the professor who teaches it is probably the best that I have. It's taught in a lecture hall type setting since every incoming student must take it (all 40ish), but the professor is very organized and puts his notes up on a screen so it's easier for somebody like me to listen and take notes at the same time. I really have enjoyed the textbook for this class as well. The last class on Tuesday and Thursday is Foundations of Worship. The Associate Dean of the seminary is the instructor of this class, and his passion for the subject really shines through in this class. It is going to be a lot of work I think, but I feel that I will really enjoy this class as well. My other two classes meet on Wednesday. Following chapel that day I meet with my Spiritual Formation Group. This is a required course for the first year students (I really hesitate to call it a course though) which puts students in small groups with a faculty advisor to encourage students to explore spiritual disciplines and practices. It’s a unique concept and one of the reasons that I picked Dubuque as well. My last class on Wednesday is a three hour course after lunch on Presbyterian History and Confessions. The instructor is the same as my church history class and has really divided the three hours into two classes, one on the history and one on the confessions. It's a nice way to break up the time in class and give both hours a different feel. All in all it's a 16 credit load, which is a lot, but as I said before I feel good about everything.

I have also gone through with turning in my application (if that's what it was?) to get on the ballot for student council. I have no clue what comes next or how/when one gets elected, but I'm pretty content to play this one by ear. I'm not tied to the idea of being elected, but for some reason I really felt called to putting my name in. I have always run from any organization like this, and I sometimes question my leadership skills for something like this, but I'm trying to keep my mind open to what I feel God wants me to do and well......

Thursday was a lot of fun for me, but I really think that I try and put too many things into too small of a space. After class I came home and had a bite to eat. Following that I went up to the practice football fields above the townhouses I live in and played about an hour of ultimate Frisbee with some friends here. Immediately following that I rushed back home to change so I could go out for some drinks with another group of friends here. I organized this outing to celebrate my making it through the first week of classes unscathed. On the way back to campus I mentioned that I enjoyed poker and I was invited over to another townhouse to play with yet another group that was playing that night. I got home at about 11:30 that night and pretty much crashed. It really is a special community that I have been able to join here, and I thank God daily for the opportunities he has given me to be a part of this.

I just got back from a trip to Chicago today. I found out Thursday as well that friends of mine from back home, James and Alice, were going to be in Chicago this weekend. I arranged with them to drive up to see them on Saturday evening and James and I watched the Colorado State football game versus Colorado. It was great to see the Rams win. We followed that up with the Ohio State victory over Texas while I tried to teach his two year old who for and when to cheer. It didn't work out that great, but it was a lot of fun to watch her enthusiasm even if it always came late or at the wrong time. I was treated to an incredible spaghetti dinner that night and was given a room to stay overnight at Alice's dad's house and left this morning to go see my roommate preach at one of his church's near Rockford. It was an odd experience for me to sit in a worship service attended by probably under 20 people in a very small church, but it was also refreshing to be welcomed so warmly and have people take a genuine interest in me as well. Eric gave a remarkable sermon that made me think, which is always something I appreciate. Afterward I followed Eric home to have lunch with his wife. They treated me to some great sandwiches and football on the TV. Before heading back to Dubuque Eric drove me to the largest of the churches he serves at (it's a 3 church coop). It was a very nice church that reminded me a bit of Mountain View as far as its size goes. The drive home was very nice, if very rainy. I really do like this area of the country with its rolling hills and very green trees everywhere.

Tomorrow I've organized a fantasy football league with some other of the first year guys and we have our draft during the Monday Night Football game. I probably need all the luck I can get with this draft as I have not had a great week in my other league. Oh Well.

I can't express just how blessed I really feel at this point in my life. Looking back at things a year ago I would have said that I was in the best place I had ever been in my life. I worked for a great Christian company, made more money then I ever had before and had a great group of friends. One year later I find myself as poor as I have ever been, living halfway across the country going to school full time. I have sold almost everything I own, but I feel more free then I ever have before. I still have the great friends I have made in Colorado over the years, but have added to their number all of the great friends I have in Iowa as well now. God has been great to me, and I can't wait to see what he has in store for me next.

Seashells and the beach

I have a cool little sea shell sitting on my desk right now. It's a reminder of a great chapel service we had to wrap up the orientation process on Saturday. Part of the chapel service was a renewal of our Baptism vows. Because you can't rebaptize somebody they had the program set up where we went up to the front of the chapel and were given a shell (I guess symbolizing what they used a long time ago during baptism) that was immersed in water. Feeling the wetness of the shell between my fingers really hit home for me the whole message of rededicating my life for Christ. It was a pretty amazing moment for me.
The rest of the day was very cool as well as the whole incoming class was taken to a low ropes course north of town. We were split into 4 teams and were able to do all of the stations in the course with our team. It was a really good way to start building teamwork and trust with many of my classmates before school ever really started.
The first day of class begins tomorrow and I get to attend my very first seminary class at 8:30. I don't know whether to cheer that I'm beginning, or to go hide since I get to start first thing every day with the class I'm most fearful of....Greek. It should be a very difficult, but ultimately great experience I'm sure.

I had some really neat news come my way today as well. When I left Loveland and said goodbye to one of my best friends in the world, Angie, I told her that I wanted to be invited to her wedding (no she was not engaged). Today that wedding became official when she told me that her boyfriend proposed to her on a beach in Mexico on Thursday. This continues a sting of my ex's who have married the next person they dated after me, but it's all a cool thing, and something that I like to joke about. I guess the wedding won't be for another year, so no travel worries yet.
My friend Dave is happy at the moment as his football team has just beat one of my favorite teams tonight and I just got off the phone with him gloating. Oh well, I guess there is always next year......

Orientation

Jesus went to the wilderness before he began his ministry. Having been without my lifeline to the world, the internet, for the past few weeks I feel almost like I have been in the wilderness as well before I enter my seminary studies in earnest. I did arrive in Dubuque on the evening of the 23rd and almost instantly started to feel at home. I got in and checked into my townhouse unit at about 5:00 and was told while going through the process that at 5:30 every Wednesday till the snow flies that the residents of Seminary Village (were I am living) gather in the middle of the cul-de-sac for a BBQ. I was invited to come, so 30 minutes after pulling into town I was already getting to meet everybody who will be living and attending classes with me. It really is a neat community that I am going to be able to be a part of.
I spent most of the next week feeling a little bit bored as I didn't have a great deal of things to do, but I did get to attend church at a local church on Sunday morning. The pastor of the church is the wife of my academic advisor (and very well respected professor) and the church was very very welcoming. It was a little smaller then I'm used to and in a much older and pretty quaint building, but it was neat. I think I will probably make this my home church while I'm in town, but will probably visit some other churches from time to time to change things up.
My roommates all arrived a few days before orientation started and they are all very neat people but pretty different. I probably have the most in common with Eric, the first to arrive. He is a sports fan like myself and will only be living on campus a few days a week. He works in a coop of Methodist churches in Illinois and will travel between his home there and here. He is married and has a very sweet wife who is also studying to get a masters degree back at home in teaching while Eric is here. The second roommate to arrive came a few nights ago from the Sudan. Samuel is probably the quietest of the four of us but has had to hurdle many barriers to arrive here to study. He will be here for only one year, but I have a feeling that I will keep in good contact with him when he returns back to his home at the end of the year. He has left behind his wife and 4 kids to be here. I have seen photos and they are a beautiful family. Samuel is part of the Anglican Church in the Sudan and has already accomplished a great deal of important things in his ministry there. I know he will do great things someday. The last roomie to arrive is Gabriel who has come here from Ghana. As Samuel is the quietest one of us, Gabriel is by far the most vocal and animated of the group. He is very interested in music and is always in a very joyous mood. He is just getting over his jet lag and has also gone through a great deal to get here as well. He is actively recruiting me to venture to Ghana someday to see his home. He also has left a family behind with a wife and son back home.
Yesterday was the first day of orientation for the seminary program and life has been a bit of a blur the past few days. We have had a chapel service the beginning of each day so far and will again tomorrow. It is soo incredible to have worship play such a key element of every day. We will also have chapel every Tue, Wed and Thur while school is in session. I really do look forward to having that guidance while I'm here. Yesterday was spent mostly with the basics of school. We did a tour of the library and received our access codes to the internet. We also were given information on many of the programs offered here at the seminary. I am really seriously thinking about running for the student government here, and I think I would have a very solid chance of being elected. We also did some Ministry Profile tests yesterday which took way too long (500 questions long), but I do look forward to seeing the results from the test (imagine something like a very very very in depth personality profile test). We finished the day splitting up to have desserts at the home of selected faculty members. I was able to attend dessert at the home of Dr. Thompson and her husband not far from campus. She will be my Greek professor this year and I had a very fun time. Today was dedicated more to preparing for classes, but we started the day after chapel with time to share with the rest of the group what we had to leave behind to attend seminary. It was a pretty emotional time for some people and it was neat to glean a part of other student’s life as they shared. I shared 3 photos showing the youth group at Mountain View, me and the guys at a baseball game last year, and Sassy. The rest of the day we met with our advisors, registered for classes, did an interview portion to the tests we took yesterday, and purchased our books for the semester. Buying the books finally really gave the realization of just how much of a masters program this is going to be. I was not able to purchase all of the books I needed because the book store ran out of a few of the titles I need, but I still came home with 23 books to read this semester. They say they figure for every credit hour you take, you will have 3 hours of homework a week. I'm taking 16 credits so figure about 48 hours of homework to go with 16 hours of class time to go with my desire to find a part time job for about 15 hours a week. I'm going to be a busy boy.
Tomorrow is the last day of orientation and we are going to be doing some team building at a low ropes course near the campus (I'm not supposed to know the activity, but.....). Following that will be a picnic lunch and then a final weekend to be able to rest a bit. I'm really looking forward to everything, and for maybe the first time in my entire life, I'm really anticipating classes starting.