What might have been?

The human psyche has an amazing ability to reason something one way and have great happiness about it, while at the same time on a deeper lever feel something completely different. Sometimes the more I try and understand this phenomenon the more I realize I don’t always even know my own self. My ex-girlfriend (and great friend) told me today that she is dating a new guy. All at the same time I felt great excitement and joy for her, while at the same time a felt lousy all at the same time. I hate when my deeper emotions feel different then what I feel I should feel, and then to pile on to that, I add guilt to the mixture. I laugh a lot about my recent past dating experiences. It seems that everyone I date meets their future husband not long after me. It has happened with the last three girls before Ty. I’m not saying it will happen now, but you never know. Anyway the other great thing about the human psyche though is that it heals quickly. I was able to sit down tonight with Ty and work through some of those emotions. I know it will be a few more days until I’m completely normal again (if that is the word), but I feel very happy for her, and hope that this is something good in her life. She really does deserve the very best.
I don’t like country music, but I did download a country song the other day that has resonated at times in my life. The song is by Little Texas and goes:

Sure I think about you now and then
But it's been a long, long time
I've got a good life now, and I've moved on
So when you cross my mind...

I try not to think about what might have been
Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And there’s no way to know
What might have been

We can sit and talk about this all night long
And wonder why we didn't last
Yes, they might be the best days we will ever know
But we'll have to leave them in the past...

The song really does describe me. I try not to think too much about what my life might have looked like; mostly because I love where my life is headed. Sometimes though I can get a little melancholy and I began to wonder what my life could have looked like. It has been a year and a half since August took her life, and we were divorced nearly 5 years ago. This January 3rd would have been our 10th anniversary. I was the first of all my friends to be married. I was also the first to move away from Loveland and own a house. Not long before our divorce, we talked about having kids, and if that would have happened, I would have been the first to that milestone as well. I look at my life today and realize just how differently it might have looked had just a few small things gone differently, and it amazes me. I see friends of mine now with one or two kids and a mortgage, and it shocks me that I could have been there too. I could very easily still be managing a furniture store somewhere in the country, while preparing to send my child to kindergarten. It’s a weird reality to place myself in as I see where I really am. There are times that I think I do miss that life, but I love the fact that I am called so something so different then I ever thought I would do. I feel lost and lonely only for a moment and then I go participate in something like the Lighthouse campus ministry. I walk into a group of young people and get to be a part of them. I get to hear the band play and worship as I sing loudly to the Lord, saying words that bring me back to a deep peace and joy in my life. The words are simple yet powerful

“YOUR GRACE IS ENOUGH!”