In a box

I interviewed the other day for a supervised practice of ministry position, for next fall, at the church I've been attending here in Dubuque. Probably the two best questions asked during that interview came not from the pastor of the church, nor any members of the session tasked to interview the five candidates for the position. In my opinion the best questions came from a high school student sitting in because part of the job will involve working with the youth of the church. The first question she asked followed up on a basic retelling of my life regarding how I stumbled into the meaning of grace. It was simple and to the point. Do you know what Grace is now? At the time I answered yes, that after hitting rock bottom in my life, it has a meaning in my life that is beyond words; that I don't have any right to be where I am in my life, yet God has allowed it. To ask a truthful question though, do any of us really understand grace?

The second question that was asked of me later in the interview was, "if you were a fruit, what fruit would you be?" The beauty of this question is that it doesn't matter what fruit you answer with, it's the explanation of the answer that gives great insight into who you really are. This question opens up the person being interviewed to volunteer information about themselves in a more meaningful way then the ordinary "tell us about yourself" question. I think my answer says a lot about me and who I am. I said I would be a watermelon. I don't even like watermelon, but I answered this way because I don't like to be put into a box. I could have said banana or orange or apple, but the vision I had in my head at the moment involved a skit done by Gallagher as he takes a sledgehammer and smashes a watermelon with it. It's unexpected, and loud, and exciting and out of the ordinary. It's out of the box.

I don't think that anybody likes to be put in a box. I know that I grew up in a generation that always felt the need to express themselves. Ideas such as school uniforms or dress codes caused great consternation among me and all of my friends. We all wanted to be unique, and different then anybody. Labels that narrowly defined us were hated. I still take great pride in being different and unique, and I know I always will. I refuse to allow anybody to place me in a box. Society still gets riled up as we try and use labels to define people, places and events. People in our society also hate to be put in a box.

As a society I wonder then, why we always try and place God in a box. So many people, me included, have our own little box that we try and place God in. We create our own little God that fits our preconceived notion of what he should be. Like going through a buffet line, we pick and choose the things we want to believe about God, not because we have studied scripture to see what it says, but because it's what we want to believe about him. I don't want to believe in a God that may pick and choose because it makes me uncomfortable; it doesn't fit into my box. I don't want to believe in a God that allows people who are different from me have power in the church. Let’s reject that. Conservatives and Liberals alike, we are all guilty of doing this. We are guilty of trying to define God, not as he is, but as how we would like him to be.

This goes back to my first question. Does anybody really understand grace, let alone God? Can we as humans understand something as powerful as that we receive from grace? I know that I appreciate God's grace in my life with all my being, yet I still take it for granted on so many occasions. I hit rock bottom in my life once, but let’s face it, many have been much lower then me. Christ was arrested, tortured, beaten, humiliated, and died; none of which was deserved. I deserve all of that and more in my life, but I have been spared. How does one understand the uncomprehendable? I was having a discussion with a friend the other day on the topic of pain. This conversation brought to mind my desire to always be able to explain things. As a guy it's in my nature to want to fix things and to tell other how things should be, but as I pastor I can't fix those who are hurting. I can’t explain to them why they are hurting, or why things happen the way they do. All I can do is let myself be open to God, so that he can work his healing in his own way. I have a friend who is going through some very difficult trials at the moment. I again wish I could explain God to her, but I can't, and that’s not what she needs right now. Me trying to explain God in this situation would only make things worse.

As humans I don't think this means that we shouldn't try to understand God as best we can. I don't think that it's wrong that we take issues and theologies that we disagree on and debate the merits as long, as we are open to each others side and recognize that we will never be fully able to understand God in this life. We need to be open to understanding God as he is revealed in scripture first and then nature. We need to unpack our box and let our comfortable understanding of the triune God go. We need to allow God to live outside of the box.