My Mantra.

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

-Philippians 4:13 (NIV)

This seems to be my mantra over the past week. It seems to fit all of the situations that I find myself struggling with. The verse came to mind as I was sitting having dinner with my step dad the other day when he said something to the effect that even when we put ourselves in situations that we may not feel prepared for, we often surprise ourselves with what we can accomplish.

I think doubt is a natural thing to experience when you have decided to make major changes in your life. Growth isn't possible without leaving a comfort zone, and when we are not in that zone we creep into doubt. I received a letter today from UDTS with some paperwork for next year, but one of the first paragraphs confirms this to an even greater degree. "Perhaps you need to be reminded that you've made the right decision; perhaps you need to be reminded that God is leading you on this journey. If there are any doubts rumbling around in your mind, take a deep breath and follow God's lead!" I have never questioned that I am doing the right thing, but I think my doubt comes into play when I wonder how successful I will be in school. I have always considered myself to be smart, but I seem to always be surrounded by people who I consider to be bright, intelligent and articulate. I shouldn't let it, but my competitive nature seems to come out of me at these points. I try and measure myself up to these people and in my mind, and I don't always measure up. I wonder if I will be able to handle the pressures of having somebody come to me with life and death issues, and if I can be accountable to give them good solid biblical advice someday. I read the blog of somebody just starting as an intern chaplain at a hospital this week. Sometimes you see the confidence on the outside of somebody and think "Man they never have doubts," but he shared a prayer on the page asking for God's help in leading him, and erasing his doubts. In the end I don't think that I will be the top student in my class, but I do know that I can do anything with Christ on my side.

Work is getting progressively harder for me every week as well. I enjoy my job to an extent, but knowing that I will be leaving in a few short weeks leaves me little motivation to work extra hard. I also have come to realize over the past few weeks that I have finally burned out completely on sales. Last week we brought in a sales trainer from the corporate office and I heard for the umpteenth time a sales training presentation that preaches how to go work with your customer, determine their needs and then sell them for as much money as possible. I'm not saying that sales is bad, because I don't believe that, but I will say that the most successful sales people do care about money, and I have never been motivated to that end. Again, I do know though that God will give me the strength to make it through these last weeks of this job, and give me the patience as I wait to start my new life.

One month from today I will be in Port Arthur, Texas on a youth mission trip. The topic of our trip this year will focus on the fruit of the spirit. I'm not responsible for the daily lessons of the trip, but I have volunteered to lead a daily life application portion to each lesson, and to lead some small group sessions during our lunches to discuss this life application. I also have asked to oversee and end of the trip affirmation project. All of these are important to me, and I know I will do a good job, but again it goes back to my mantra this week. I will do well, because I know God is with me and will help me.

It should be a fun week.