The Sonic Motel

I have a story in my head. Someday I would love to write it out and publish it as a book. If and when that happens is really anybody's guess, but I have been wanting to write my "best seller" since I was attending Colorado State University for my undergraduate degree. I don't know if I will ever get around to writing it, I don't even update my blog that well, but there is some ironly in my life right now in regards to the story. I developed the main character a little bit off of a guy I worked with at KFC long ago. My co-worker was fresh out of high school, and had basically been kicked out of his house. He had lived with his dad and brother; there was no mother present in his life. Being broke, he ended up living in an old run down motel in Loveland. I visited his place once, and it was a pretty sketchy place. There were areas in the room where the celing was shorter then I was tall, and while I didn't see any roaches in the light, I'm pretty sure they were his roomates. I took aspects of his life and another friend of mine and put my main character in thier situation. They say great writers write about something they know though, and life has come full circle for me somewhat. I'm living at the moment at the Sonic Motel in Galesville. I don't think I will be here the whole summer, and it's a much nicer place then my co-worker had lived, but it's a new and unique experience for me. I'm writing my blog from my car because while there is wireless here at the hotel, it doesn't quite reach my room. I go out to my car and move it about 3 parking places closer to the office to access the net. The sonic is a motel built probably in the 70's by an old air force pilot coming back from vietnam and korea. It's a little bit run down and under fairly new ownership right now, but with the orange carpet in the room, it definatly has it's nastalgia. I'm really enjoying living here, and it gives me motivation to start thinking and relating to my story right now.

As far as stories go, I get to practice telling stories next week with vacation bible school at the church. It's a little unusual for me to see a VBS take place technically before school even gets out, and in the evening, but it should be fun. It's only a three day program, and the church is recycling a program that they had run a few years back. I get to be the story teller for the kids, relating the bible story to them each day in a new, fun and hopefully somewhat creative way. I think it will be a bit of a challenge for me, since I really don't have a lot of experience with kids younger then 12 or 13, but I'm looking forward to this. I should be a fun time. Anyway's I get it easy as compared to some friends of mine who get to run the whole program at thier churches.

Tomorrow I'm running to Dubuque since I forgot to forward my mail, but I'm looking forward to seeing my friends, and hopefully finding out my grades.

Back With A Vengance

Wow, I think I've been gone a long time. For the longest time I planned on getting back to blogging; going through everything that has happened to me over the past few months, but there has really been to many things to mention. There has been so many experiences, and so many emotions, over this second semester of seminary, that I just can't mention it all and give it justice. It's sad because I started this as a venture to not only update people as to my doings in the world, but to also be able to work through feelings and emotions in writing, much the same way a journal does. I have missed being able to practice this discipline, which is very spiritual in my life, and I hope to do better as I move on this summer.
It's a beautiful Memorial Day in Galesville, Wisconsin, as I write this. I'm sitting outside the First Presbyterian Church, in the grass, as I write on my laptop computer. There is a fairly steady breeze and it feels good as it rushes by me on this warm day. If I wouldn't have cut my hair, and shaved my beard a couple of weeks ago, I would feel my hair as it blew in front of my face, but it feels good looking like I did a couple of years back.
I have been working as a part time intern here at the church since early March, and it has been a remarkable experience for me. When I first began, during the semester, I drove up here every weekend. I worked on Friday and Saturday, participated in worship on Sunday, and took the 3 hour journey back to Dubuque following service. I am now up here full time for the summer, and really looking forward to everything. Yesterday I gave the Sermon for Pentecost Sunday here at the church and then drove over to lead worship at Marinuka Manor, the local nursing home, and Eden House, the attached assisted living facility. This was the third sermon that I have given, and I've been very happy and encouraged by everybody in the congregation. I know that I struggle to write them often times, but I've been told that I do very well in giving them. It's a fun experience for me. I will have plenty of other opportunities to preach this summer as I am scheduled to preach from June 17, through the second week of July when Mike, the pastor here, is on vacation. I have also been given the chance to preach at a joint worship service in the park the last week of July with the Lutheran Church here in town. I'm looking forward to that.
I was also allowed to participate in a member's wedding this last Saturday at the church. It was probably one of the neater experiences of my life. I like the way the pastor here tries to stage weddings. Instead of having the wedding party face the pastor on the platform, he instead has the bride and groom face the congregation during the service, with him and me standing off to the front and side a little bit. It's a way to allow the congregation to see the faces of the bride and groom during the service, instead of their backside. I was moved being able to be up front and center during the whole service. The pastor in a wedding really does have the best seat in the house. I also really liked one other aspect to this wedding I had never seen done before. Instead of lighting a unity candle, like so many couples do today, they instead choose to represent their coming together in a "blending of the sands". They had an empty vase in front of them, and two other vases, on either side of the empty vase, filled with different colored sand (blue and purple). When it came time, they both went forward and took one of the full vases; pouring the sand into the middle empty vase in unison letting the streams of sand cross creating a new and beautiful design in the middle vase. I liked this representation because, as Mike said, with the unity candle you see the two flames merging to burn as one flame no different then before. With the sand, it creates a oneness that is both more beautiful then before, and two, a scene where you can still detect the individual colors of the sand as they are blended together. It's a neat concept that I hope to use again. In addition, if sealed with wax, then the couple has a great memento, instead of a burned candle.
There is probably some crazy irony that I do participate in a wedding the same week that I broke up with my girlfriend. Ty and I were together for about 7 months I guess, but we decided together that it wasn't a relationship that was going to work. If you ask two people where they see their lives in 5 years and the answers are 180 degrees apart, it's probably a wise choice to end a relationship on good terms. That is what Ty and I did, and I really do hope and pray that we will be able to remain good friends. I have been able to talk with her quite a few times since the breakup, and it's a good feeling to see that there is no animosity there on either of our parts that I know of. In a sense it's a new start again this summer for me, similar to what I was experiencing in August. It should make for a summer of many new experiences.
Before coming up to Galesville full time this week, I did manage to make it out to Spokane to see my brother for about a week. I'm so glad that I was able to do that. He has lived there for almost 5 to 6 years now, and it was the first time that I had made it out there to see him. I traveled on a free ticket that he had from the airline, so it was affordable, and it was a fun trip. We spent a couple of days at a old cabin, new to him, in the Mountains, going on some great hikes, and drives. The scenery was spectacular as we traveled old logging roads on hikes seeing deer and other wildlife (even a great big toad). We drove up a road leading high up into the mountain range his cabin sits in. The view was breathtaking from our vantage point on the road. On the way down we even saw a bear. I also was able to see the pool where he works as a water survival instructor, and the field where he helps to teach people to be rescued by a helicopter. We also did one of the more crazy things I have done, when we went on a float down the Spokane River, ending in shooting a short stretch of a class III rapid. Of course we did this in an expired, orange, seven man life raft without paddles. Being without paddles we used shovels instead. It was a blast, and we pulled onto shore in the state park afterwards and had ourselves a great BBQ. Good Times.
I spent the last few weeks of spring semester obsessing over hymns. I spent a great deal of time on Itunes looking for nice contemporary versions of traditional Christian hymns. I finished my project last night, taking my favorite 12 hymns I found and burned them to a CD. I don't know why, but I love the idea of taking a hymn and the timeless message that it proclaims, and making it new and fresh for a new generation. It's the same thing I think Church's need to be doing everyday. If any friends would like a copy of my little best of CD let me know.
This summer I'm looking forward to being able to hike, camp, and maybe even take a photography class in LaCrosse. The wedding photographer teaches one that is only about 70 dollars at a local college. I'm really tempted to sign up. I'm also hoping to see a lot of great movies. I have already crossed Spiderman 3, Pirates 3, and Shreck 3 off my list. Hmmm, a lot of sequels to sequels here.
While I had many more amazing experiences over the last couple of months that I can’t mention, I do want to say goodbye to one of the best friends ever here. I found out in late March, or early April that Sassy, the German Shepherd I had to give up to come to seminary, died in her sleep. She was a great friend who saw me though some very difficult times in my life. She was a good dog, and a great friend. I miss her.
Well, I'm back with a vengeance, and it's too beautiful right now to waste the day away typing. I'm out until next update....

In a box

I interviewed the other day for a supervised practice of ministry position, for next fall, at the church I've been attending here in Dubuque. Probably the two best questions asked during that interview came not from the pastor of the church, nor any members of the session tasked to interview the five candidates for the position. In my opinion the best questions came from a high school student sitting in because part of the job will involve working with the youth of the church. The first question she asked followed up on a basic retelling of my life regarding how I stumbled into the meaning of grace. It was simple and to the point. Do you know what Grace is now? At the time I answered yes, that after hitting rock bottom in my life, it has a meaning in my life that is beyond words; that I don't have any right to be where I am in my life, yet God has allowed it. To ask a truthful question though, do any of us really understand grace?

The second question that was asked of me later in the interview was, "if you were a fruit, what fruit would you be?" The beauty of this question is that it doesn't matter what fruit you answer with, it's the explanation of the answer that gives great insight into who you really are. This question opens up the person being interviewed to volunteer information about themselves in a more meaningful way then the ordinary "tell us about yourself" question. I think my answer says a lot about me and who I am. I said I would be a watermelon. I don't even like watermelon, but I answered this way because I don't like to be put into a box. I could have said banana or orange or apple, but the vision I had in my head at the moment involved a skit done by Gallagher as he takes a sledgehammer and smashes a watermelon with it. It's unexpected, and loud, and exciting and out of the ordinary. It's out of the box.

I don't think that anybody likes to be put in a box. I know that I grew up in a generation that always felt the need to express themselves. Ideas such as school uniforms or dress codes caused great consternation among me and all of my friends. We all wanted to be unique, and different then anybody. Labels that narrowly defined us were hated. I still take great pride in being different and unique, and I know I always will. I refuse to allow anybody to place me in a box. Society still gets riled up as we try and use labels to define people, places and events. People in our society also hate to be put in a box.

As a society I wonder then, why we always try and place God in a box. So many people, me included, have our own little box that we try and place God in. We create our own little God that fits our preconceived notion of what he should be. Like going through a buffet line, we pick and choose the things we want to believe about God, not because we have studied scripture to see what it says, but because it's what we want to believe about him. I don't want to believe in a God that may pick and choose because it makes me uncomfortable; it doesn't fit into my box. I don't want to believe in a God that allows people who are different from me have power in the church. Let’s reject that. Conservatives and Liberals alike, we are all guilty of doing this. We are guilty of trying to define God, not as he is, but as how we would like him to be.

This goes back to my first question. Does anybody really understand grace, let alone God? Can we as humans understand something as powerful as that we receive from grace? I know that I appreciate God's grace in my life with all my being, yet I still take it for granted on so many occasions. I hit rock bottom in my life once, but let’s face it, many have been much lower then me. Christ was arrested, tortured, beaten, humiliated, and died; none of which was deserved. I deserve all of that and more in my life, but I have been spared. How does one understand the uncomprehendable? I was having a discussion with a friend the other day on the topic of pain. This conversation brought to mind my desire to always be able to explain things. As a guy it's in my nature to want to fix things and to tell other how things should be, but as I pastor I can't fix those who are hurting. I can’t explain to them why they are hurting, or why things happen the way they do. All I can do is let myself be open to God, so that he can work his healing in his own way. I have a friend who is going through some very difficult trials at the moment. I again wish I could explain God to her, but I can't, and that’s not what she needs right now. Me trying to explain God in this situation would only make things worse.

As humans I don't think this means that we shouldn't try to understand God as best we can. I don't think that it's wrong that we take issues and theologies that we disagree on and debate the merits as long, as we are open to each others side and recognize that we will never be fully able to understand God in this life. We need to be open to understanding God as he is revealed in scripture first and then nature. We need to unpack our box and let our comfortable understanding of the triune God go. We need to allow God to live outside of the box.

This means war!

I was had tonight!Of course this means war. I tried to build a snowman on the front porch of some friends of mine earlier this evening, but they heard me and caught me in the act. I caught them in the act here, but it was a little too late. Oh well, this kind of war is right up my alley (insert evil laugh right here!!!).

I'm sitting here in the middle of an official blizzard warning, enjoying what may my last free weekend for a long time. I was supposed to go to a junior B level hockey game tonight; the Dubuque Thunderbirds, but because of the snow most of my friends cancelled on me. It's been fun burning some music with Ryan and messing around a little on the guitars though. He is really good, and it makes me want to learn more then the 5 or 6 chords I know right now.

They have already canceled church in the morning for the church I normally attend here in Dubuque. Some friends and I have decided that we still want to do a worship service so we are getting together tomorrow morning for a prayer service. We will sing some hymns and contemporary worship songs with the guitar and do church home style. It will be fun to worship in a way that is probably very relevant in regards to the way the original church started.

Last week, I managed to secure the Supervised Practice of Ministry job I applied for, and I’ll probably start next weekend. It's a part time job at a church that will let me practice preaching, visiting people in the hospital and nursing home, and working with youth. I have always said that the thing I lack most in trying to become a pastor is practical experience, and this will allow me to gain some. It's a beautiful drive to the church in Galesville, Wisconsin, but it's also a long 3 hour drive. I will be making the drive every weekend through the end of the school year, but then they will provide a place for me to live over the summer as the job becomes full time. I'm a little scared that over the month of June I will also be the solo pastor at the church as the real pastor is on vacation, but I know with God's help I can do it. I'm really excited to get started there. When I drove up to interview, I had such an incredible sense of peace just driving into the town. Meeting with the pastor and a couple of people from the church just confirmed that peace. I'm loving life.

There has been some worry lately on the campus that at the seminary there is a bit of a disconnect between this years first year class, and the second and third years. A few friends and I have tried to do some things to try and bring the classes together a little more. The day I drove up to Wisconsin for the interview I came back to play poker with a lot of guys from the seminary at my place. I knew that I was going to be a little late, but with my roommates permission I volunteered our townhouse for the night. After parking in the garage I opened the door to find 19 guys playing poker in my living room from every class, not to mention age and nationality. We only play for chips, so it's not a big deal, but it was an incredibly fun event of guy’s night out. I'm hoping that it's something that we can keep up. It blows me away sometimes how easy it is for women to pull together a group to spend time together, study, pray, and just fellowship, but it can be so difficult for men. This was definitely a good thing and something that needs to be done more often in society.

With the weather being bad and school being stressful, our group has found a way to escape if only for an hour or two a couple nights a week. We've been gathering at Kevin and Anne’s place to watch American Idol each night in a ritual that promises to happen every Tue, Wed, and Thurs. for as long as the show runs, which will most likely cover most of the semester. The other night we also got together for a night of guesstures and taboo; both fun board games which ironically don't have a board (I guess the question is then, are they really board games?). Anyways it's been a fun semester so far, but it also promises to be a very difficult one as well.

Snow Day

Today was a snow day. School was canceled all day. In other words it was almost the perfect day, with the mixture of snow on the ground, the ability to crawl back into bed, and the feeling of just being like a kid today. I did have a session meeting for class that I had to attend tonight, and I did do some reading, but for the most part I just allowed myself to waste the day. I really think you need to do that sometimes, though I may do that a little too much, but I digress.
Right now I'm just sitting back at my computer listening to the new John Denver CD that I got for Valentines Day (Sunshine On My Shoulders does not seem to fit the snow day theme, but again I digress), and being mellow. I think I have managed to get over the syllabus shock from the first couple weeks of school, and have reverted back to my reading by triage methodology. I have a few friends who manage to keep up on their reading, and if I ever learn their secrets it may be a miracle, but I guess I manage ok.
I have applied for what is called a Supervised Practice of Ministry position (imagine a church internship for college credit) and I have an interview Friday. I'm really excited for this, but I think that excitement is tempered a bit by the fact that the church is about a 2 1/2 to 3 hour drive from here. I'm driving up for the interview Friday, so I will get to see the church and see how the drive will be. When I was in Colorado for my Psych exam this is one of the things that was recommended to me. I have been involved with the church on and off again for some time, but I have never actually been involved with the church on a daily basis as a member of staff. This practical experience is something that I'm really longing for. It should be a great experience.
I've been real bad at writing over the last few weeks. I think a lot of that had to do with a feeling of spiritual dryness, mixed with the syllabus shock, but I think I have managed to work through both of that a little bit. I skipped out of my pastoral care class Thursday and drove down to a nature area on the Mississippi river. Even though it was about 15 degrees, I climbed down a hill and went for a short walk along the railroad track running along the river. Stopping just short of a bridge spanning a creek as it joins the river, I had a seat to watch a group of bald eagles as they soared above me, and fished the river. I think I sat there by the tracks and just listed for God's voice as I watched the incredible ballet of the great majesty of his creation take place above me. The gift of grace almost has new meaning as you see the powerful grace present in the flight of an Eagle. Two different meanings of the same word, and yet they both seem to transcend each other in a single moment. I think I could have sat there all night had the word hypothermia not been a very real concern by the time I left (I may be exaggerating a bit there).
A couple of weeks ago I also got another step toward ordination out of the way as I took the Bible Content Exam required by the Presbyterian Church. While I won't know the official results of the test for probably another month, I'm pretty confident that I did ok on it. I took the question sheet and sat down with some friends following the test and we went over each answer on the test. I won't say what I think my score is, but it is well above the passing level.
Last week and this week I have been responsible for leading the discussion in my spiritual formation group here. Last week our topic was on the discipline of hospitality. I king of laughed at my volunteering for this topic because I don't normally feel very hospitable. I know some people who are the greatest host's in the world, who are thinking of their guests constantly. After our discussion though, I don't know if I have more work to do toward being hospitable, or accepting one's hospitality. I think it goes back to having that strong American view of independence; of being able to do anything I need to do by myself. I have had such a great deal of hospitality given to me in my life though, and still have problems knowing how to show my gratefulness. I lived with friends in Loveland for 3 weeks last August, and stayed with them again for another 3 weeks in December. They basically set me up with a little basement apartment and gave me free run of their house. I think I thanked them every bit I could, but I still feel a need to try and pay them back. Tonight I got home from my meeting and realized that my bread in the pantry was all moldy. I called my girlfriend and asked if I could take her up on an offer for some dinner. I went over, chatted with her a little while I ate her food, and then left. In a sense I really felt like a freeloader doing that. In his Grace, God has justified me by Faith in him. Without this incredible gift and act of hospitality I would be lost. I don't deserve it, and wish that I could pay it back, but I will never be able to. All three of these are various acts of hospitality offered in my life that sometimes I just need be willing to accept as a gift and say Thank You.

Bring on spring

Well, I guess I did actually make it through Greek II. It didn't kill me, but I think I will be glad for a bit of a break from that language for at least a little while. (I will have to translate a few sentences a week during my NT class to keep fresh). I managed to pull an ok grade in it as well, so I guess life is happy. Spring term starts Tuesday, and remarkably enough I'm pretty jazzed to get started. I enjoyed my classes last term, and unlike some of my friends, I don't I really went through much of a burnout period. I really think it helps that I was out of school for about seven years before coming back. While it took me some time to get adjusted to being a student again, it also was nice being refreshed to come in. This semester I'll be taking a NT introduction class, Church History from the reformation age to modern time. I'm taking a mission and evangelism class, and Pastoral Care as well as a Presbyterian Polity class. The polity class may be the only one that I'm not looking forward to that much (let's face it, it's just telling me how to run meetings, and who enters into ministry because they like to attend meetings)? I'm also excited to be able to use my new laptop for classes this semester.
Right now I'm also in the process of applying for an internship position at a church. I don't know how many people are going to be applying for this position, but I don't think there will be all that many that do. It's a different time for a position to be opening, and the church is not all that close, so there would be a bit of a weekly drive if I do indeed get it. It would solve two of my biggest problems if I do get the position though. I would have an avenue to gain some practical experience in a local congregation, and I would have a little bit of an income; both good things.
My question over the past week has gone something like, how does one become less human. Ok, so that's a confusing and loaded way to phrase a question, but it's framed in the manner of how does one battle the sinfulness of human nature that surfaces constantly in our lives. One of my good friends recently graduated from law school. His explanations of school often centered on where people placed in their class (i.e. first, second, top 10 percent). The class literally is designed in a way that people compete with each other to be better then the person who sits next to them. I like seminary in that it's not designed in such a cut-throat manner. It's much easier to try and make sure that as a class mate you help everybody to succeed to their fullest here and it's encouraged. I like that, but at the same time I sometimes wonder if I'm more wired (and society in general) for the law school model. I have a major competitive streak in me. When my friends and I get together, everything is a competition. Shows that I would never watch on TV, I will when they make it into a competition (i.e. Iron Chef, how else can one watch a cooking show?) I look over shoulders to see the grades of friends at times, and get jealous when I see they did better then me. When a friend was recognized by the faculty here recently, I was happy for him, but at the same time jealous. Why wasn't that me? What did I have to do to be better then that friend? I don't like feeling like this.
Of course the answer to my question of how does one quash sinful desires centers on giving them over to God. I did a terrible job of staying disciplined in my prayer and study life over the past semester, and particularly over January. As I came up with this question, I decided it was time to pick up the bible again, and at a friend’s recommendation two months ago, I've started to read in Ecclesiastes. "Vanity of vanities! All is vanity!" (from 1:2) I like this book and its study in wisdom. Most of all I find peace in the message from the first half of the book that it is best to find happiness and contentment in what you are given, then to try and take everything you can.
I'm still far from the most disciplined person I know, but I'm finding satisfaction at working toward being a better person and disciple of Christ.

J-Term musings

January term is here, and I think I have convinced myself that Greek II is going to really and truly kill me. Well, maybe not kill me, but sitting in a classroom for three hours a day translating Greek, followed by another three hours or so translating Greek for homework has convinced me that I am never going to be an academic scholar of the Greek New Testament. I do have an appreciation of the importance of learning Greek to help understand the nuances of scripture, but I'm remembering why I dropped Spanish in high school and then again in college. Foreign languages are just plain difficult, and well, foreign to me.
It's been pretty cold here the last few days, but I guess it has been all over the country. I do love the cold, but I wish I was able to get out a little bit more. Cabin fever has begun to set in, and I'm starting to hang things up on my walls, just to add color to the ever-present white. Beer labels, photos, maps, clothing labels, license plates everything is fair game. In another 4 months I will have to take it all down again and start boxing things up, but I can deal with that.
I'm starting to think about what I need to do to find an internship at a church up here. I met over the break with a counselor who did my psych exam, and he and others are really recommending that I do something over a longer period of time, as opposed to just a summer internship, because of my lack of practical church experience. They think I should stay at a church long enough to get some honest feedback. I agree with what they are saying, so I'm beginning to look. I don't really know what to expect from anything, and some of the positions I'm looking at are a little intimidating, but I guess you only live once. The idea of being in charge of a church for a month while the pastor is on vacation may be challenging though, especially if a member passes away. I guess that's why I should keep praying.
I came into seminary not sure of what type of ministry I would eventually be called to. I still have no clue what my exact future holds for me, but I have really started to have some strong feelings toward family ministry. It was a product Group produces that has led me down this road, and while the product isn't always the strongest, the idea behind it is solid. The idea is that if members of a family all were to study the same scriptures each week, and discuss the same basic topics in ways appropriate to their age, then those ideas can help lead to understanding and discussion in the home. Let's face it; the church is only able to directly influence a person for an hour or two each week, while the family influences its members for at least a few hours each day, probably more. Is it effective for the church to just try and teach a lesson at church each week, without equipping parents, kids, youth and seniors to take those lessons and live them out with each other every day of the week? Can we apply these lessons to real life, and then expect families to work through this daily, instead of only Sundays, or Wednesday night. All this leads to way more questions then anything. How do you get everybody on the same page? Whose responsibility is it, and how do you organize between all the different programs in the church? Is this even feasible? Can you expect more out of people? The questions go on and on and on. I don't have the answers, but I'm really looking at exploring this topic more in depth with some independent studies I think.
On a happy topic, I have my new laptop. I got a nice deal on a Dell Inspiron with a 14 inch screen. I really needed this to help with notes for lectures and studying at the library. My handwriting is very slow and messy, and I think friends were getting a little tired of always lending me their notes they took on their computers. It's amazing that nobody had laptops when I was in my undergrad program just 6 years ago, and now over half of my class uses them. I really am getting old I guess. Oh well, older men just get more distinguished I've been told.
Well, life rolls on in its crazy, sometimes stressful, always fun, avalanche type way. I sometimes feel like I'm being swallowed by the flow, but I always seem to come out on top with God's help. I'm sure this stage of my life is going to be no different.

No place like home.

Sometimes there is no place like home! That goes for both aspects of how I am feeling at the moment. There is no place like Colorado, where I have so many friends, family and just happy memories. There is also nothing like sleeping in your own bed, even if that bed happens to be almost a thousand miles away from where you grew up. It’s good to be back in Iowa.
My trip back to Colorado was definitely needed, and I must say I had quite a few fun adventures while I was there to boot. The drive out was a great time; it’s nice to have a friend along to make the 13 hour commute entertaining. Between some great conversation, music, and episodes of the Office on the Ipod, it was a quick and fun trip. The drive was highlighted by an amazing sunset that I managed to snap a photo of while doing about 85 down the freeway. I love digital cameras.
The second night I was back the youth program at Mountain View put on their annual Live Nativity Scene. Because of the snow (I’ll cover that later) I wasn’t able to spend any more time with the youth group, so this was my only chance to see them all. It was fun for me to get to stop in and say hi to many of the youth. I really do miss being a part of that group on a weekly basis, but I really do enjoy the occasions I have to drop in a say hello. I also question whether I will ever get used to seeing a live camel on church grounds, but I digress.
I had heard that Colorado might get some snow when I was there, but I really didn’t expect quite as much as we got. I have a history of experiencing blizzards when I get together with my friend Angie, so I guess I should have known we were going to get hammered when she called me Wednesday morning with the plea that I was the only friend she had crazy enough to try and get her to the airport to see her dad in Ohio for Christmas. Sure enough, I was crazy enough to try. The normally hour long drive to the airport turned into about a 2 hour drive on the way out with the road to the airport being a complete and total mess. It was about all I could do to stay on the road. Being that her flight was still on when I dropped her off, I decided to drive back home before the roads became too bad. Turning off my phone to save the battery in case I did need the phone on the drive back, I of course missed her calling to say that her flight got cancelled about 5 minutes after I left the airport. She managed to find a different way home, but I feel bad leaving her behind like that. As it was the drive doubled on the way home as it took me over four hours to make it. I found out when I finally got to my friends hotel, er I mean house, that about ten minutes after I made it to the interstate they had closed it behind me. I had to stop twice in the middle of the packed interstate to clear all the ice off my wipers on the way home, but that’s ok because traffic was pretty much at a standstill with it being impossible to tell where the lanes were. It was one adventure I will not soon forget. Overall, this storm dropped about two and a half feet of the white stuff on the Front Range.
On the twenty third, I drove up to Colorado Springs to celebrate Christmas with my Dad’s family. I have always loved having Christmas at my Grandma’s house. Tradition on this side of the family is a basic free for all which really fits my personality. Take forty people, enough snack style food to feed twice that many, and put it in a house that fits only about half that many and you have Christmas at Grandma’s. This year was a truly great year as almost everybody was there. Of her 11 grandchildren, 10 made it; that makes for a truly joyful time, and a happy Grandma. For me the highlight was being able to see my brother who after missing his first flight, made it in from Spokane, Washington. He may be the craziest person I ever meet, but you gotta love the kid. (I will pay someday for calling him that).
My trip back home wasn’t all just for pleasure though. I did get some work done while I was out there as well. Following Christmas as my Dad’s, I met with a pastor at Boulder First Pres for my psych evaluation. I didn’t hear anything that was really unexpected at this time, but it was nice having somebody complete an evaluation that seemed positive toward what I’m trying to accomplish. I know ministry is always going to present challenges, but more and more experiences I have seem to indicate that others think I may have the traits to serve me well at this endeavor. I also was able to meet with the session of Mountain View during the second major snowstorm to hit when I was there. After sitting through probably the most contentious session meeting I have ever attended (budget issues), they asked me a few questions and recommended me unanimously to Presbytery to be enrolled as a Candidate for ministry (from the Inquirer status). I will meet with that committee in May.
Being snowed in so much while I was in Loveland; we spent a lot of time stuck indoors playing video games. I don’t spend a lot of time doing this normally, but its great fun occasionally. It’s even more fun when you have no chance of going anywhere unless you can take a few hours to dig your car out, and the house you are at has no TV setup. It was relaxing to spend upwards of eight hours playing football on the PS2.
The last fun thing I was able to do was attend the Denver Nuggets basketball game on the 31st with Joe, Dave and his girlfriend. I had part of a ten game package last year, and I really have missed being able to hang out with friends at the Pepsi Center this year. It was a chance to watch AI play in Denver, and even though they lost I loved going. It was a tough sports night in Denver, as both the Nuggets and Broncos lost. Losing was put into perspective quickly the next morning though with the murder of one of the Broncos players over New Years. It really made me feel a bit guilty about being upset about the simple loss of a football game.
Like I said it was quite the trip home to Colorado. Like I said, it’s good to be home here in Iowa.

The beauty around us

Only two more days, and then the worst is over. I should be writing my 10 page Presbyterian Confessions commentary on my statement of faith, based on the confessions. I should be studying for my Church History final on Wednesday morning as well. I should be editing my 20 pages of Worship papers that I need to turn in by Thursday. Everything is due, and true to my nature, I've procrastinated till the end, and now my stress levels are up. I'm sure that I will get everything done, but I seem to be growing an attachment to my computer over the last couple of days. I can't seem to get away. The countdown is on to Thursday night where I get to reward myself with a few beers out on the town, and Friday morning where I get to hop in my car for the road trip home. One piece of advice I do give to everybody though. Don't ever get to busy to appreciate the true beauty that is around you.

To laugh or cry?

I'm laughing to myself right now, but I almost feel like I should be crying instead. Two articles about the season caught my attention today online, coincidently right next to each other.
It is that time of year. It's that time of year when over our radio's we hear nonstop songs about the Christmas season, with visions of bells ringing, and trees glowing, and families gathered together for a season of joy. I'm not a big fan of Christmas songs myself having had to listen to them nonstop for twelve hour shifts when working retail for a few years, but I don't dislike the message that they bring and I understand why so many people really love them. I had to pause at one of the stories that I read though, and reflect a little bit on the true meaning of the holiday. According to the article, of the top 25 Christmas songs played on the radio over the last five years, only one was really a religious carol; Little Drummer Boy. The songs that top the charts are songs such as The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire) (#1), Santa Claus Is Coming to Town (#4), or Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow (#6). All of these songs have a very warming Christmas message, and bring good feeling to our hearts, but all miss the original point of the holiday, the birth of our Lord and Savior. There would not be a holiday where we all gather around a tree, open presents brought to us by Santa Clause, and eat a big holiday meal had Christ not been born. Yet for many people in the world today, the meaning of Christmas is just that, Santa Clause and Christmas trees. Christ makes the list once in these holiday songs, while Santa makes it four times, and Rudolph the Red nose Reindeer scores a song too. We get barraged by ads on the television talking about all the sales due to the gifts that we need to buy, and Santa shows up everywhere, and it's getting earlier and earlier every year now. Now again don't get me wrong, I’m not saying that I want to do away with the merry fat man. I like Santa, and if I ever have kids I'm not going to rob them of that Christmas mystery. I will however also teach them the real meaning of the holiday.
The second article I read is the one that really makes me both laugh and want to cry though. It also makes the point of my first argument above, that the holiday is no longer about Christ. The headline reads "Santa Claus Deemed Too 'Religious' for School Fundraiser". The article goes on to say:

A Christmas-themed event to raise money at a public elementary school in Warwick, N.Y., has been altered to accommodate a parent's complaints that the program would illegally spotlight a "religious" figure - Santa Claus.

My question is this; how is Santa a religious figure? I have yet to go to church and hear a Christmas sermon that links Santa with the birth of Jesus some 2000 years ago, give or take. I have heard plenty of sermons that warn about the secularization of the holiday. That is precisely what Santa Clause is, a secular symbol that lets people have fun on this officially Christian, but in real life very secular holiday. I will concede the point that Santa comes from Saint Nicholas, a Catholic saint know for giving gifts, but still that is not the point of the holiday. To be quite honest I am almost a little offended that Santa is being banned as a religious figure, not because yet another school board is on a crusade to crush anything remotely "Christian" in school, but that they are linking my celebration of the holy birth to a secular symbol. I am offended that with so many issues in the world, this one has to be fought. I don't have an opinion either way on this argument. I understand that if the whole event was proclaiming the birth of Christ, it would need to be changed, and I won't argue that point. I will argue that if a children’s program sings a song like Silent Night, it does not need to be changed. A song here and there to explain what different cultures and religions celebrate is not wrong in school. I remember singing the dreidel song when I was younger, and never once was that an issue. This is a whole different debate that I don't want to get into at the moment however. I guess I just don't know whether to laugh or cry at the absurdity of this fight over how much religion is allowed in school, and that it now centers over a secular product that should not be attached to religion in the first place.
An addendum: If your looking for the true meaning of Christmas, instead of the over commercialized I recommend going to see the nativity story. I went with a group of five friends tonight and the movie was very good. As with any Christian movie, there will probably be a large chunk of people that like it, and many that don't, but for me the story was good and the symbolism was amazing all through the movie.

It's amazing how much can change in one year. I started blogging just over a year ago. One year ago today was my very last day at Group. I was determined to put myself where I am now, but I was also frightend, and a little bitter. Now I am somewhere where God has put me and loving it. The countdown for this semester is on as well. I have only two more weeks left of school this semester. Next week is the last week of classes, and then finals week. Look out Colorado here I come! I also ask that prayers go out to my Grandma who is in the hospital right now. Later!

Too comfortable?

I made a promise for myself when I started Seminary that I would not back down from any challenges that came my way. All during the time leading up to my coming here I took a motto for myself that stated, "There is no growth without leaving your comfort zone." I kept that motto for the first few months that I was here, but I realized today that I have fallen into a nice little comfort zone between classes, friends, church, and really the rest of my life. A few events of the last week have made me realize this, and I have a lot of things coming up now that are getting me excited, and possibly even a little scared.
The first new change for me is I'm going to be staring a new job working at the Myers Library here on campus part time starting tomorrow. I have put off getting a job for quite a while now, but I think I really will like the distraction, and the extra money will defiantly come in handy as well. During the first semester I kept putting off buying a new laptop computer because I didn't want to spend the money with none coming in, but I've realized just how much one will help me in class, and that is the reason I'm here so....
I also received an e-mail from the university telling first year seminary students that there are opportunities for pulpit supply if we want to take advantage of them. My first response was that I wanted to wait until I had a few more classes before I did something like this. After speaking to a friend though, I have decided that I'm going to at least go talk to the person who organizes this and see what they have to say. Just because I don't feel comfortable preaching yet, how will I ever become so if I run out on every opportunity that presents it self. I may not be experienced, but I don't think that pulpit supply churches are looking for perfection. Instead they are looking for energy and authenticity. Just my thoughts, but we will see.
The same person I'm going to talk with about pulpit supply, I also want to speak with about finding an internship position somewhere this summer. I have always said that I want to find a job working at a church during the summer, but not a church that is local. My problem is that I have no idea in the world how to find a position somewhere across the country. I'm hoping that he will be able to point me in the right direction, and that I will be able to find something that will stretch me, and at the same time be a lot of fun.
I really have not put any energy into student council yet, but I also want to get more involved with that, and a good friend and I want to start some sort of bible study on campus. We both love the whole theological education that we are getting, but we have come to realize that with everything that is required, the bible tends to get squeezed out. I have no clue when we will find the time, but I think it's so necessary, so we are going to try and figure out what that is going to look like.
Lastly I'm in the process of trying to get all my paperwork in order so that I can advance from the inquirer process of the Presbyterian Church to the candidacy process. I'm hoping that when I return home for Christmas that I will be able to meet with my presbytery liaison, my church session late notice, and with a gentleman from Boulder in order to fulfill my psychological exam requirements. I also am going to sign up for the first of the Presbyterian Church ordination exams; the bible content exam. I have to sign up in the next couple of weeks, then the test is in February.
I'm really excited for what the future holds, and while it is keeping me busier then I have ever been, I love the challenge.
On a side note, it is about 9:00 in the evening, only a few days from December in Iowa, and it’s raining like crazy. What ever happened to the wonderful white flakes that I’m used to?

A trip to Willow Creek

Sometimes I really do take a lot of the things I have for granted. I complain about all of the things that I haven't been able to do yet, and all of the places I have yet to see. I don't stop to realize and thank God for all of the amazing things that I have been able to do in my life.
This last summer I was able to attend a worship service at Lakewood Church in Houston Texas while on a mission trip with the Mountain View youth group. It was a neat experience to see a church that large, and to feel a community of that size worship God all together. When I worked at Group I had a chart of the top 100 congregations taped to my cubicle just as sort of a fun reference piece, and I got to know of some of the other more influential megachurch congregations and their pastors. I also had the chance, however briefly to cruise by and admire the Crystal Cathedral in Southern California a couple years back.
A little over a year ago, I was feeling a little burned out by the lack of people at my home church back in Colorado. I loved the people at the church, but I wanted something more, something different, something that would allow me to experience worship in a new way. I started going to Timberline Church; a large congregation, with 5000 in attendance week, Assemblies of God Church (with a very very nondenominational feel). While I had attended megachurch programs in the past and been turned off by the simple seeker message, and feeling that everything was a show, this church felt different. I felt God present in my worship for maybe the very first time. Worship became fun, and meaningful. Through my experience I learned that any worship service anywhere can be just as meaningful as well if I let it. It's not about the fancy lights and great music, but instead about how I am in direct communication with God. I am praising and praying to him, but there is also a two way experience where I can feel him move in me as well. This new experience of worship was accentuated when I decided to return to Mountain View and prepare for seminary. Worship became something that became meaningful not only in Sunday worship, but also in the youth program each week. It became something that I truly looked forward to each week. I also began to see worship in other setting and appreciate how other people worship. I went to a service with a friend of mine, and while his church was much more charismatic and Pentecostal in feel, I loved it. I would never want to worship there every week, but watching people worship in a way that was true to them was beautiful. One year earlier I would have felt uncomfortable and unsure in this type of place, but I was completely at ease, and could see the face of Christ in the people present at the moment.
While there were things about Lakewood Church this summer that really turned me off, it also kindled in me a desire to "pilgrimage" to two other large famous churches in this country.
I was able to cross one of those locations off of my list tonight as I was able to attend worship tonight at Willow Creek Community Church in South Barrington Illinois this evening. I have learned that anyplace can give me a true authentic worship experience, but I also know that sometimes when I have a lot going on, a trip to a high energy, lights and sounds type worship can give me a bit of a renewal on life, and can refresh me. With the last few weeks of the semester approaching, I've been feeling the need for this for a little while. It's a three hour drive to Willow Creek, so after eating a late lunch, my roommate Gabriel and I took off on our pilgrimage. The service was both what I expected and needed. I was able to just relax and enjoy worship as an anonymous figure in a large room. I was able to enjoy a simpler message that was thought provoking, but not overly challenging. I was able to feel God present with me. More enjoyable though was being able to watch a pastor who regularly speaks to a church that can seat 1000 in Africa, be blown away by an experience that while refreshing to me, was not unexpected. I tried to prepare him of what to expect by telling him a little about the church, and showing him photos, but his reaction was fun. On the way home, he spoke over and over about how this was a life changing experience for him, and having him thank me for allowing him the opportunity to experience a new way to approach ministry back in his home nation. Something that is, while not the norm, at least normal, was an event to remember for a lifetime for another individual. Like I say, sometimes I really do take things for granted.

Divine Pathos

The depth of human emotion sometimes just blows me away. Reading what is going on in the lives of some of my friends tonight just goes to show the beauty in the joys and hurt that is life. It's amazing the range of emotions that a person can feel in just a short amount of time, just remembering parts of their own life.

Joy - One of the things that I like to question people about on occasion asks; "Describe a night/day that was just perfect. A time when the stars aligned just right in the sky and everything was so perfect that you will never forget that time as long as you live!" I think everybody has an event like that in their life, in fact most have many. It may be a night a new relationship started, or the day of a wedding. It may be a special trip or adventure. It may be something as simple as a night out on the town that was extra special. For me the night I like to remember as just being full of unbridled joy was a night in Chicago with a bunch of friends I really didn't know that well at a dueling piano bar. It was a night I had no cares in the world, a few to many drinks, and more laughs then I can explain.

Sadness/Loneliness - A friend of mine recently experienced a loss, and is hurting right now. As high as somebody can be with Joy, they can feel just the opposite with pain, sadness, loneliness and despair. There are many things that can make people feel this low in life. Deaths, a difficult breakup, failure at something, even just a few unkind words. In my life I have known two people who I spent time with on a daily basis feel these feeling so deeply that they choose to end it by taking their own lives. I can't say that I will ever understand these emotions to that extreme, but I have experienced hurt. I know what it is like to be in the room with somebody, and feel more alone then I have in my life. I know the pain of losing somebody very close to me.

Excitement - This feeling is similar to joy, but it speaks of unfulfilled promise. It's looking forward to something that has the potential to change a life. It's possibility about to be fulfilled. With this emotion I think about the bride looking forward to the words "I do." It's the high school senior waiting to be handed the piece of paper that signifies four years of achievement. Think hard and I'm sure you can remember a time of sheer excitement. Not knowing just what to expect, but ready for it with all your heart. I was so incredibly excited years ago as I was promoted to management in the company I worked at. The promotion meant moving for the first time out of Colorado, to Indiana. The newspaper headline for one of the major Denver newspapers the day I packed up what I needed into my car and headed off to Fort Wayne said it best as it was reporting the death of a longtime Denver journalist; "Goodbye Colorado."

Fear - This is one of the most primitive of human emotions, and not one easily forgotten. We hear a lot about this emotion these days as we turn on our televisions and listen to the latest news regarding terrorism in the world. Terror or fear is a powerful weapon, so strong can this emotion be. Fear can be paralyzing at times, and can push us into action into others. Both requiring no thought. It can be dumb things that prompt fear. I am afraid of snakes. The other day Ty and I were walking near the Mississippi river and came across a tiny gardner snake. I knew there was nothing to fear at all with such a small creature, but as soon as it crawled toward my shoe, without even thinking, I jumped away with a fright. Fear can also be deeper then just a quick emotion though. I remember going camping with a friend when I was little. We went fishing with his family and as we were going from one spot to another I decided to head back to the campground. I was pointed up the road were camping on, but somehow got off the road somehow. I was probably lost for only a few minutes, but it seemed like hours to me having heard what can happen to kids who get lost in the mountains.

I could really write for hours there are so many different emotions that bring us to the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Emotion is the real, raw, powerful, force that makes us human, and makes life worth living.

We were discussing in my Old Testament class the other day the work of Abraham Joshua Heschel and his theory of Divine Pathos. Pathos comes from the Greek πάσχειν, meaning "to suffer" or emotion. The key to this theory is that God feels emotion; that God cares. God is intimately involved with human life and as such infinitely more sensitive then we are. As we feel joy, God feels it infinitely more. As we feel pain, again God feels it infinitely more. Scripture shows the emotion of Christ very simply and strikingly in John 11:35. "Jesus wept." There is a lot more to the theory of Divine Pathos, but for my purpose tonight all I can say is I like the idea of a God who feels emotion. It blows my mind the range of emotion that I can feel just watching a movie, or surfing the internet reading all my friends blogs. I can't even comprehend God feeling infinitely more then I can, but while it may not be understood, it definitely comforts. God cares, and he understands.

A good Story

I used to think that I would never be able to go to a movie at the theater by myself. I think a lot of people feel that way. I remember going alone for the first time and thinking that everybody in the theater was looking at me because I was the lame guy sitting alone with no friends to hang out with. There is something very liberating for me when I go to movies alone now. It's a sense of independence that I really enjoy. Going to movies for me is a complete escape from reality if only for a couple of hours. Once the trailers start, anything that was on my mind beforehand just turns off. I can just absorb myself into the world that I see on the screen, and put myself into the thoughts and the emotions of the characters portrayed in motion picture. When I was told that I would be losing my job at Group, they sent me home early for the day to think about if I wanted to continue to work out the month. I didn't go home, but went to a movie. When I have a lot on my mind and feel stressed, I go to the movies. Call it therapy in surround sound. When I go to movies with friends I still do get involved in the movie, but in a sense I take a piece of reality into the world of the movie with me. It's an escape, but just a small thread separates me from the real world.
For me stories are a powerful thing. They get my mind racing like nothing else on this earth. I like stories in books and on screen that focus not necessarily on action, or drama, or comedy. I like them all, but a story that touches me has real human emotion in it. I like seeing the characters, with feelings and flaws that could be real. I like to see my experience in the story on the screen. I like to see friendships that look real; relationships build not on sex but on joy and happiness. I like to see difficult decisions where there is not always a right choice. The movie industry in the United States is huge business, which leads me to guess that I'm not alone in this love for a good story.
It's easy to see why Jesus did so much of his teaching by telling stories. If there is one thing that I'm learning in my Church History class, it's that the old saying really does hold true. "The more things/people change, the more they stay the same." People have always enjoyed stories and it's what people talk about. I used to laugh as I sat in my cubicle at Group as my coworkers would gather around and chat about the last week’s episode of "24". When I was younger and in college it was the first few years of Friends that we would talk about. As a human race, we are fascinated by the stories we hear whether they are true or not. I can picture people in bible times not talking about the lecture they heard Jesus give, but repeating the story he told. Lectures contain facts, but stories contain human emotion embracing the facts.
On the way home tonight I was thinking. I don't think I can remember a single sermon that I have heard in my life. I can't think of a single one that I can point to the scripture that was read and the entire message. I can on the other hand think of many great stories that I have heard in these sermons. I don't remember the scripture, but I can illustrate what was taught by these stories. That's not to say that I have never learned in a sermon. I've heard many many many sermons and the lessons they have taught have sunk in, they just aren't recalled in the same way that I don't remember learning the alphabet, but the lesson was learned. It may just be my A.D.D. talking (I can't prove I have it, but I would place money on the fact) but if a good illustration is told with a sermon I listen and appreciate it, but if the illustration is weak, I tend to tune out.
I also heard a quick report on another movie tonight that was recently released by a church that has turned into a pretty major motion picture. Many of the actors and crew of the movie were members of the church. The pastor of this congregation said that he felt this may be the new mission of the church to reach people through this medium. This is an interesting approach to me. I can't say that I agree with the message I hear from previews of the movie just released. While I believe in the power of prayer, I think it's dangerous to hint that by praying you will get whatever you want, even a football victory. Prayer is more then just asking God for anything you want, and God doesn't run a convenience store where he will provide your every desire. With that tangent over though, what could a Church accomplish by showing the right things. How many people saw Christ’s crucifixion in a real way for the first time by watching the Passion?
It's a lot of different thoughts running around in my head tonight, and as usual this is a better forum for asking questions rather then answering them. I don't think a Church is really a church if they just shoot movies, because it's community with others in the presence of God that makes a church. I don't think that going to movies alone all the time is good; I love to go with friends. I do like movies with bad characters and a bad plot if they are funny. I do however appreciate it most when movies make me think and more importantly make me feel. I do love it when a church message makes me view a picture in my head as opposed to processing facts. Most of all I guess, I just love a good story.
I sat in the library for about three hours today working on practice sentences for Greek. I can't say that I will ever become a big fan of Biblical Greek, but I understand most of the concepts behind the language. I am however very slow at deciphering even the most simple sentences. I'm sure speed will come with time, but I'm looking forward to being able to use a computer program for next year to help me out. I had the most beautiful view while I was working on these sentences today though; it finally snowed big beautiful glorious powdery snowflakes. I love the snow. It reminds me of back home and my favorite time of the year. I wished I had a camera for while it was snowing, because it was a pretty sight to see it come down out the big picture windows in the library.
I'm feeling less stressed this weekend as opposed to last. I got the paper done that I was stressing about then, and for some reason I'm much less worried about my tests this week. After that I will have Thanksgiving break and then a bunch of papers due all at the same time...ouch. I'm starting to feel like I can do this again though. It really is true that seminary can be a constant roller coaster of elation at the thought of a life in ministry, to sheer doubt and terror. It's good though that I'm able to explore all the feelings and realize that I will come out on top in the end.
I've been very poor at keeping in touch with my liaison with the Presbytery committee that oversees candidates for ministry, but he sent me an e-mail this week. We are going to arrange a time to meet for lunch when I'm back in Fort Collins over Christmas. I'm only going to be there a short time, and I'm already getting a pretty full calendar. I'm really starting to look forward to this visit, but it still seems miles away.

October daze

Over the first couple months of the year I've been told that I was the person that never seemed to worry about school. I didn't stress over papers or tests, and my friends wished that they could find a way to avoid the stress that they felt. Yet even with my apparent lack of concern I did very well. Now it's my friends telling me not to stress. We have hit the point in the year where papers are starting to come due and the second round of exams hit right before Thanksgiving in a couple of weeks. Following that the biggest papers start to be due very quickly and finals follow that. I know I am capable of doing the work, but I worry about finding the time to fit everything in. I am in awe of so many of my classmates who juggle much more in their life then me, and still seem to get everything done, while I seem to struggle to stay on top of everything. In the end, I know things will work out, and that God will see me through, but I have a feeling my stress levels will probably be very high at least until the last day of class before Thanksgiving, and a week off from class to help get caught up.
While I have worked hard this weekend, I've also taken a little bit of time to have some fun. Ty took me home to meet her parents Friday, on our way to a high school performance of the Music Man. Her best friend’s sister played Marion, the female lead, in the production, and she absolutely stole the show. It was a very neat performance.
The previous weekend my Mom visited from Arizona, which gave me a chance to play tour guide and to get to know the town of Dubuque better. I reserved a neat Bed and Breakfast for her to stay at, and the house was simply amazing. They say that most of their clientele are repeat customers and I can see why. Mom has already said that she will stay there every time she comes.
With Dubuque being on the Mississippi river, most of the activities we did centered on or around the river. We spend one afternoon at the National Mississippi River Museum here in town and had a fun time. We also were able to make a quick stop at the Mines of Spain to show her one of my favorite places I've seen so far.
On the Sunday she was here I took her to the church I've been attending here in town. It's a pretty old church that dates back to the 1800's. The founder of the church was also key to founding the seminary program here. It's really different for me to visit churches here that are older then the state I grew up in. Sunday afternoon Mom and I also took a walk on a short river walk that follows the river downtown. It really was a pleasant day for a stroll by the river.
Tuesday was Halloween and that evening I went to a party hosted by a friend living in the south cul-de-sac. My costume was that of a French-man so I shaved the beard I had been growing since the third week here in favor of a mustache to go with the black shirt, leather coat, and beret I wore. It was a fun night and we had a lot of pretty outrageous costumes. Things probably didn’t get any better either as I ended up wearing a mullet wig pretending to play an electric guitar by the end of the night.
Other then that, life has been pretty good. I'm anxious to get some papers and exam results back for a few classes, but I feel good about what I've accomplished so far. I worry that the academic part of things is starting to wear on me, which is something that I promised myself wouldn't happen to me while I was here. I at least am aware of this, and while the work still needs to get done, I am able to deal with it. I'm going to try and do a bit of a jumpstart on my worship life in a couple of weekends. I've been wanting since I've come here to go down to Chicago and attend a worship service at Willow Creek Church. While I know that it is not the type of church I would want to attend every week, I really do find that when I take myself out of something that is comfortable, I learn about worship and what it really means, as well as learn something about myself. I'm looking forward to being able to go.
I've been neglecting my journal lately as well. I do find that getting my feeling out in the open helps me to focus and I guess vent. Journaling was the first of the spiritual disciplines we explored in our groups this year, and I can now see why. I hope to do better.

Happy Birthday to me...

I have been told recently that it is difficult to take me seriously when I am attempting to have a theological talk with friends while sitting in a bar wearing a small red plastic fireman's hat on backward. I just don't understand....

I guess it has been a long time since I have taken anytime to sit down and write. I have had a lot of different ideas going through my head the last few weeks. I have tried to sit down a few times to try and put those thoughts down on paper, but I just haven't been able to get everything down in a period of time that I can actually sit down and type. My thoughts the past couple of days have centered on the topics of sin and worship.

On the sin front, the question was "What specifically is sin". I was writing a paper on Saint Augustine's Confessions and I was supposed to be writing about his view on sin, but as I was struggling to put the words to his definition I was wrestling with thoughts of if I agreed with him or not. For the moment at least, I think I do agree with him when he say's that sin is not really based on the action, but the intent of the action. If the intent is to please God, and the action is indeed pleasing, then it is not sin. If the action is good, but the intention is not to please God, well then that would be sinful. It's a hard line definition of Sin, but if you agree with the Westminster Catechisms definitions on the chief end of man being to glorify God, then if you are not doing that, wouldn't it be sin?

I don't know if I'm any closer to answering my second question, but at least it's not haunting me at the moment, and I really don't think there is just one answer. My question has been how to do worship in a way that has meaning for families of multiple generations and worship styles. Worship is by definition a chance to interact with God. A chance not to just watch a service, but to take part in the worship, to speak, glorify, listen to, and embrace God. The problem is that I communicate in a way that is very much different then a woman in her retirement years, or a middle age steel worker with a family to raise. How do you structure a worship service that has meaning for everybody in a family, so the whole family can worship in meaning together? I hate seeing so many churches, using so many resources just to split families into separate groups every week.

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me...ect. I'm actually updating this from a hotel lobby in Chicago right now. I have been dating a very sweet girl for the past month or so and she treated me to a very cool birthday today (or yesterday depending how you want to look at it). We drove up to Chicago today and she took me to the Medieval Times. This is a unique version of a medieval dinner theater. We were treated to a very well choreographed tournament of knights, while eating an entire dinner without silverware. It was a very cool time. I'm updating tonight from the lobby of a local Hotel where we got rooms. Thursday night I celebrated with a lot of other friends from seminary. I was supposed to go out to dinner, but wasn't able to make it when I figured out at the last minute that I had to work. I missed that, but I did have everybody over to my house for poker after I got off work. We had about 14 people hanging out playing cards at my place till about midnight that night.

That's the second time in as many weeks that we did something like that in a large group. The fireman conversation came when a similar size group of us drove out to Galena, Illinois where the spouse of one of my friends worked. It was definitely a time to remember.

Last week was reading week at the school, which meant no classes. It was a much needed time to get caught up on all the reading that I was way behind on. I'm still not completely caught up, but I'm in better shape. The week went to quickly though, as I had a few papers due this week, as well as a grueling midterm exam for church history. I think I did well, but I'm glad it's over.

All in all, life has been very good to me and I thank God everyday. I found out this week that Group laid off another 22 people recently just a year after I was let go. A year ago I though that I could never be in a better place then were I was there, but God has a way of surprising us. I do ask that you keep those people that lost their jobs in your prayers though as many were friends of mine. As I keep finding out; prayers are truly a blessing.

Greek, groups, fun and fall

At the moment I'm not sure whether to celebrate that fall is here, or lament that summer has not yet left. The last few days here in Dubuque have been beautiful with the leaves turning the incredible shades of gold that they do. You can no longer see many of the sidewalks on campus as they are covered by this golden snow-like layer of foliage. Now I just want the temperature to change. A few weeks ago it was a little cooler here in town and I loved it. I even wore jeans a couple of days. That seems to have past as it has been in the 90's the last couple of days. I find myself sleeping in the hottest room in the house, and at the moment, its 9:30 at night, I am sweating just sitting in my room. Augh.
When I was working at Group Publishing, I had a group of four friends that had started at the same time, about a year before I did. As the story goes, this group traveled from training session to training session as a big large group, thus earning them the moniker "The Herd." I almost feel that a group of friends I hang out with here could have the same name applied to it. We are all first year students and for the most part, we all have the same schedule. We are all younger, in fact I'm the second oldest in the group, and for the most part we all live in the seminary townhouses. It's funny to see us all travel in a pack from class to chapel, and back to classes each day. I've heard comments from others in the seminary that's it's an unusual group that we have in that sense, and sometimes I worry that we may be seen as just a big clique, but I don't think we act that way. It's been nice getting together for things such as a Greek study group with everybody and having upwards of 8 to 10 people show up. I am impressed by the intelligence of everybody in the group, and they have the ability to keep me on my toes. I'm really looking forward to spending the next few years with everybody.
I've also enjoyed getting to know the city better as well. Dubuque is really a pretty city, even if you get a workout from all the hills. I've been walking with a friend and we have had a great time with many paths that overlook the Mississippi River. It really is a beautiful sight seeing the river in fall, or in the evening with the lights of the city reflecting in the water.
Last week I was able to participate in a chapel service, and had a good experience. My roommate was asked to deliver the message that day as an international student, and he asked me to be his liturgist. I found out a couple of days before the service that I really wasn't supposed to be participating until I finished a class I'm taking, but that they bend that rule quite often. I have never been in charge of actually writing out and planning what goes on in service, and it was a little stressful for me at first. In the end it wasn't a big deal, and I had some friends help me out. After chapel was over I had a friend of mine approach me and tell me that I was going to be a great preacher. I really hope that is true, but it's always nice to be affirmed by somebody else when you don't expect it.
I also intervened for a short term job here on campus last week, and got it. It's for the campus phoneathon, which basically means its back to making a ton of phone calls for me in order to raise money for the university. I've done the phone thing before, and I'm sure I will well. I'm just thrilled that it's only a few nights a week for a few hours each. I don't think I could do phone's full time anymore.
I have my first Greek test Thursday morning, and have been studying quite a bit for it, but I don't think I'm too nervous. I still have to memorize some noun endings, but I'm pretty confident I will do ok on the test, even if I lose my current 100 percent in the class. Next week is reading week, and I'm looking forward to not having any classes. It will be good to have an opportunity to get caught up with some reading, prepare for some midterms, and write a couple of papers. I'm also going to be able to do some fun things. Sunday I'm going to Wisconsin to see a friend of mine preach, and Tuesday I'm going to Illinois with a group to meet my roommate’s wife, have diner, and maybe hit a haunted house. Should be a fun week.

Response to news.

I'm upset. I have just finished a long week of school that saw many positive things happen this week. I am looking forward to a few days rest mixed with some reading, and maybe a bit more reading, but mostly rest, but I'm irked. I sat down to express all the positive things that are happening in my life, but now some confusion sets in.

Everybody experiences those news events that shape your life, and redefine your culture. Most people in my grandparent’s generation can tell you exactly where they were when they heard about the bombing of Pearl Harbor. For my parents generation, they can tell you exactly what they were doing when they heard that President Kennedy, and later Reagan were shot. My similar memories include three. The most obvious is I will never forget where I was when I turned on the television to see a jet fly into the twin towers. My second memory is when I was much younger and was told by my fourth grade teacher that the shuttle Challenger had exploded on takeoff. I also have one more such memory. I will never forget sitting in my car trying to turn right onto Laurel Ave as I turned on my radio and heard that there were gunmen reported in Columbine High School.

I never knew anybody in the school at Columbine, but it was a school I was very familiar with having lived in Colorado most of my life. I have also known a lot of people who did know people who were in the school at the time, and even more importantly, somebody who visited the school that very morning to have lunch with a former teacher of his. He had lunch with Dave Sanders, the teacher who was killed.

I'm upset because as I sat down to do some journaling I read that there has been yet another school shooting in the state that I love, in a city that again I know. Like last time I don't know anybody at the school, but I do know friends who grew up there and are associated with the city. Again there may be friends of mine affected.

A few weeks ago there was a shooting of a young boy in a city near Dubuque. A few students in the seminary program here are pastors, or student pastors in that area, and they were called in to help with counseling the community. Looking back on school shootings, there is always a pattern where police are questioned and blamed for not doing the right thing. Blame is placed on people, who regardless of if they could have some something differently, did something to the best of their ability out of a love for humankind in trying to make a difference. As a pastor I think people step into that same kind of spotlight for criticism. They do what they do out of a love of God and other people (see Mat 22:37-40) but what if they do or say something wrong. I don't know if I could ever have answers for what happens in this school. I question why things like this happen myself, and wonder at how free will versus Gods providence relate. Someday I hope to be able to answer those questions myself, let along guide others in that same search. I am at awe of those who can step into these situations and make a difference, and maybe someday I will to, but for now all I can do is ask for prayers for not only the victims of this tragedy, but also for those who are there trying to make a difference in the lives of the victims.