11:00 Newscast

I love my digital camera, but I'm beginning to think it may not be a good thing for me. I love this picture I took coming home from work yesterday. I shouldn't mention that I took it through the passenger window of my car (you can see how dirty the window is) while driving down the highway at 55 mph.
What can I say; is there a more beautiful scene then a Colorado sunset?

I feel I've been a bit remiss in updating my blog lately. I find myself being that person who checks everybody else's blog in hopes that I will have some fun new photos to see, or some interesting news to read about, but I haven’t had any great epiphanies to blog about recently.

I feel a little weird lately. I feel like I always am on the go with something to do, but when I look back at what I've accomplished, I feel like I haven't done anything lately. I have a lot I want to do right now, but results come slowly. I'm not feeling guilty about my work situation anymore. I went into work today and found out that the lady that was pretty much responsible for hiring me was laid off today. She is the second manager who has been laid off due to restructuring since I arrived at the job. I did find it interesting that the company waited until she participated in securing our biggest advertiser for the year before they pulled the plug though. I recognize that layoffs are sometimes part of business, but I hate when companies do it in the manner they have been done in this case. One day your there, and then next your office is locked, and you have a meeting to let everybody know your gone. No chance to say goodbye. Maybe it's just me, but it's not what I think of as being humane.

We had a singles meeting at my house tonight, and I did something I have never done. I learned how to use my crock-pot. I made chili tonight, and it really turned out pretty good. We only had a few people again, but I've really enjoyed our meetings, and I think the others have as well.

This Sunday could be interesting for me. Our True Love Waits youth program ended a few weeks ago, but we have a "Ring Ceremony" for the youth this week. It's basically a chance for the youth to make a public statement in front of people they love and trust to remain sexually pure. At the end of the program their parents, or an adult sponsor, will present the youth with a ring saying true love waits they can wear to remind them of this pledge. I found out yesterday that our youth director will not be able to be at the program because of a sudden death in the family. I volunteered to take over and now I get to write a 10 minute message for the program. I wonder when the last time these parents listened to a message regarding sex at church with their kids. It could be fun.

I'm still going back and forth between which school I want to attend. Sometimes I wish a voice would just emerge from the clouds (imagine it in the pic above) and just tell me what to do. Why is discerning God's will sooo difficult sometimes?

Sunday should be fun. I'm going to play laser tag with some friends up in Denver. One of my friends is going to bring a friend of hers she thinks I would get along famously with. Being set up is fun sometimes if there are absolutely no expectations. I'm actually looking forward to the night.

Well that is pretty much life in my little corner of the world right now. Be safe and I'll chat with you all later.

Go to Church and win a Harley!

I was first exposed to Set Free Church when I moved back to Colorado after spending two years in Indiana. I was driving down one of the main streets in Loveland and noticed a big white trailer sitting by the side of the road next to what used to be the bingo hall in town. On the side of the trailer in big black letters were the words SATAN SUCKS!
"The Biker Church" as it's known around here is in your face, and hardcore. The music is hard and loud, and the members are people who you wouldn't expect to see in church. The church targets people who have been burned by organized religion before. They reach out to people who are fighting addictions, and problems with life. The youth pastor at Set Free has a powerful testimony, telling how he first met God in prison. We invited him to speak to both our middle school and senior high youth groups tonight. He came, and brought his hard rock praise band and whole youth group with him. It's amazing sometimes to see the Holy Spirit move. On one side of the fellowship hall was the youth of Mountain View. This may be somewhat stereotypical but, most of our kids come from upper middle class homes. Many participate in athletics, or student counsel at school. Most have never needed for anything in their lives. On the other side of the room were the youth from Set Free. Most were wearing some form of black clothing, much of it with the set free logo. They had multiple piercings, and looked very out of place in a suburban upper middle class church. You could tell how uncomfortable our kids were with our visitors in the building. They pretty much hung around with each other, and let the other group hang out on the other side of the room. When the praise band started, the Set Free youth were front and center on their feet, while most of our youth were in the back row in their seats. Over time a few braver souls came forward and felt freer to participate. Brian, their youth pastor, then gave his moving testimony. At the end he invited kids who felt they needed prayer to come forward, not something done normally in our very intellectual Presbyterian Church. Many of their kids came forward, but then ours did too. It was amazing to see the youth of both churches praying over each other, and bridging the gap between two very different churches. It was so good to see that they realized that thought we have many differences; we are all part of the universal church, the body of Christ. Two groups of youth were willing to leave their comfort zone tonight, and experience growth in Christ. I love that there can be diversity in the Church. Most of the members at Set Free will never feel comfortable walking into a service at Mountain View. I will probably never choose to worship in a place like Set Free, not because it's bad, but because it's not me. It's important for people to find a place where they can feel free to worship in a style, and with people who can help them connect to God in a deeper way. Everybody is different; therefore the churches that we choose to attend are going to be different. We are all connected though by the bond Christ gave us in his death and resurrection. Tonight was a great lesson in don’t judge a book by its cover, Christ never did.

Well, it's now decision time. I got two phone calls this week telling me I've accepted into both the University of Dubuque Theological Seminary, and Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary. Basically I've been accepted into all three schools I've applied to. I won't be able to visit all three campuses because of vacation time, and money restraints, so I'm planning on picking a school, and then just visiting that campus. If I hate it, I can then do choice two, but I can't imagine disliking any of the schools.

The Wind of Change

I have a pretty random stream of thoughts tonight, but I'm hoping that I may be able to piece them all together in some coherent fashion as I write. I have found that sometimes just writing everything down brings some order and peace to the thoughts moving in my head.

I was inspired to watch one of my favorite movies tonight, Dead Poets Society. The message of "Carpe Diem, Seize the Day" still resonating in my head, I decided to check my e-mail. The slightly cryptic message residing in my inbox leads me to believe that two of my best friends in the world have finally become new parents for the first time.

It's funny how life can change in the blink of an eye. Just that quickly, everything is different then it was before, and life will never be the same. I look back at my life, and even though I would like to think that I'm the same person I have always been, how can I with all the change I have seen. Change is a scary word to many people, and it can be one of the most beautiful things, or it can be one of the most terrible and traumatic. Over the last few years I have seen both. I have seen friends fall in love, marry and have children. It's surreal to realize that I'm now probably in the minority of my friends as many now have families that include kids. I love to see the happiness in the lives of these people who mean so much to me, but at the same time I miss what once was. Change happens! Change can also be terrible. My life has seen a lot of this change. I have been told of lifelong disease with diabetes. I have seen love turn to angst. I have seen death come to people I have cared about at very young ages. Birth and death.....Change!

Some changes you can't control, but others you can. To quote from Dead Poets Society....

"But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?" Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be? "

I have stated before that I feel my life is at a crossroads. I have decided which road I'm going to take, and that will change the course I originally plotted for my life. I’m sometimes afraid of the change, but I know I’m being led by the Holy Spirit. I’m being told to “Seize the Day” choose your path. I love Robert Frost’s poem.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

I have chosen my path, but now I start to think back to the line, “That the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?" What will my legacy be, and what are my goals for ministry? I have thought a lot about this, and I want my verse to be change. I want to see people changed in a relationship with Christ. I want to be a force for that change, and want to make a difference in people’s lives. I don’t want much; I simply want to change the world!

“Carpe Diem, Seize the Day!”

On Stage

Personal growth is about leaving your comfort zone. You will never grow mentally, emotionally, or spiritually if you always follow the same routine, and don't take any risk. I remind myself of this fact often in my life. I'm going to have to keep reminding myself of this as well. I was asked today by the senior pastor of my church if I would be interested in preaching on a Sunday sometime this summer. I answered yes very quickly, as I was hoping that I would get that opportunity sometime before I left for seminary. It's not comfortable doing this, but at the same time, it's very comfortable. I have never had a fear of public speaking, and I have been in front of this church many times for different reasons. This time is different though, and this time I will be preparing a lesson for the same people who have helped bring me up in my faith. It will be a growing experience.

Church was great today as we had a concert performed by the Sterling College Choir. This choir typically comes to Mountain View every 3 years or so, and they always do an incredible job. The college is in Kansas, but is affiliated with the Presbyterian Church. The student body president of the college this year, is a member of Mountain View, and was in middle school when I helped with the program during my college days. I love the end of the concert. The choir exits from the risers they perform on, and circles the congregation while holding hands. The pastor does the benediction, and then the choir performs a final song/prayer, called Song of Simeon. The lyrics come from Luke 2:29-32.

"Sovereign Lord, as you have promised, you now dismiss your servant in peace. For my eyes have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the sight of all people, a light for revelation to the Gentiles and for glory to your people Israel."

It's a powerful experience to be a part of.

It promises to be a good week for me. I got to see an incredible performance by the concert choir today, I have tickets to see the Nuggets play the Spurs on Wednesday night, and I have tickets to see Momma Mia Friday. I also had a great time yesterday. I spend the morning in Estes Park, taking some photos for a class I'm sort of taking, but not really. That on the other hand is a long story.

Vacation

I need a vacation!!!

Ok, so this may seem a pretty trite statement considering I spent most of the last three months sleeping in till about noon, but it's true. I have always loved to travel, but I almost never travel just for the sake of being able to travel. I travel to see relatives. I travel for business. I'm going to soon be traveling for school. I've traveled as I have moved across the country. I have so many friends who have been to foreign countries, not for some particular reason, but because they wanted to go have fun. I have friends who have traveled the country just to get away from their home for a week or so. The last few weeks I have just had this lingering desire to get away for a while and do something crazy. I want to just get in my car and drive somewhere, anywhere, but then responsibility kicks in and bites me in the ass. I think I'm still feeling some bitterness regarding my Las Vegas vacation for my 30th birthday. It was going to be my first REAL vacation since graduating from college. I was not traveling to see anybody or do anything important. I was traveling to drink a little, gamble some, and hang out with friends. It was two days before I left that I was told I may be losing my job. I pretty much spent the whole vacation feeling sick to my stomach and miserable. Things worked out for the best in the end, but darn it, I want my vacation back!

Other then that everything is going pretty good, but boring. I like my new job, but I'm ready to be done with training. I'm starting to get bored on a daily basis already. The singles ministry is meeting tomorrow and I'm not quite sure how many will show, but that should be pretty fun too. Other then that, not too much to report.

The Beauty of Grey

It has been a pretty blah day today. The snow from the other day has for the most part melted, but the sky has been very overcast and the sun has just been a haze. I have not been able to get a hold of any friends this afternoon, so I've pretty much spent most of the day watching movies, reading, and doing some studying for a class I'm taking.

I did sneak out for a while this afternoon and was reminded of the joy Christ can bring you on even the grayest of days. The first photo I took from my back yard while letting my dog out at about 3:30 this afternoon. You can see how dark and gray it is, yet the beauty of his creation is evident even in my backyard. It's easy to get busy and preoccupied to the point that you forget to pay attention to the beauty of life that is all around us. I know that I am guilty of this quite often, as I rush from appointment to meeting to gathering, often feeling even more rushed by the fact that as usual I'm running late.

The second photo here is what caught my attention in the first place. I was bored and grumpy that I was stuck indoors but the first sight I saw as I stepped out my front door this afternoon was the flock of pink flamingos that sprang up overnight on my neighbor’s yard. I'm sure this was done as a b-day prank or something of that sort for the teenage girl that lives in the house, but just stuck me as something fun and refreshing. It got me to start looking at the day from a new perspective.

"This is not a black and white world. To be alive I say that the colors must swirl. And I believe that maybe today we will all get to appreciate the Beauty of Grey"

Ok, so I'm back to song lyrics to make a point, but I do believe that songwriters are the true poets of my generation. This particular song by Live is definitely an old favorite of mine. I mentioned earlier that I'm taking a class. This is a School of Christian Living class being offered at my church regarding a recent report focused on the "Peace, Unity and Purity" of the Presbyterian Church. There have been many battles in the church lately regarding among other things authority of scripture, and requirements of ordination in the church. As the report states, both sides have arguments very grounded in scripture as to what their sides believe. As much as people on each side want to attack the other side, it's irresponsible because the other side is striving to serve the Lord as much as anyone else. What I have read of the report so far seems to strike a balance between both sides of each issue, and seems to attempt to strike a conciliatory tone, which is important. I don't think the world operates in a black and white manner, and most of the time you can't set hard and fast rules on complicated issues. It's a grey world, and communication with respect is important while dealing with these complex issues. The questions I have been mulling over in my mind the last few days though regard the fact that eventually decisions do have to be made regarding what the church believes. Eventually some people are not going to like what is decided. It's important to recognize the gray in between the issues, and hopefully any agreement will be somewhere in the middle, but if the church can't and won't make these decisions, it will be the church as a whole to suffer in the end. Four more weeks of this class to go and I think it will be a fun and educational lesson.

Notes on Life....

I have ABBA on the brain right now. I just purchased two tickets to Momma Mia at the Buell Theater in Denver for March 24th. If you haven't heard of this smash hit, their website proclaims "With more productions playing internationally than any other musical, MAMMA MIA! is the World’s No.1 Show!" The beauty of the show is that the musical numbers are all songs made famous by the Swedish band ABBA. I love their music; it’s fun, energetic and just puts a smile on my face. Now I just need to find a date for that Friday night. Hmmmmm.....

I also got some good news yesterday. I have been accepted into my first seminary program. It's Regent College in Vancouver, British Columbia and it's pretty much been on top of my list. I received terrible grades during my undergrad studies though, so the acceptance is a probationary one. I'm not sure of what ramifications this will have on things such as financial aid, so I still need to wait for the official letter to arrive, but it's a step forward and it feels good to know that at least one school thinks I have what it takes. Now I just need similar news regarding two more institutions.

I did have my phone interview with the University of Dubuque Seminary program Wednesday morning, and I think I did well there as well, but it was interesting to say the least. I scheduled the interview on the same morning I started my new job, and my plan was to go find a coffee shop near work where I could take the phone call at 7:15. Not having worked for so long, I wasn't used to getting up early though, and I accidentally set my alarm on music instead of buzzer. I woke up about 40 minutes late and was forced to do the interview in my car as I was driving to my new job. Oops.

I am enjoying working at the newspaper, but I must admit I'm feeling a little guilty about it. I don't feel that I have been as forthright with the company as I wish I could be. I'm sure that they would not have been as enthusiastic about hiring me if they knew I was planning on quitting and moving out of state in about 5 months. I don't know if there was a right thing to do in this case, and I did what I felt was best, but I still feel bad.

"No day but today"

"There's only us, there's only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss. No other road, no other way. No day but today! "

I first saw Rent in Jan of 1999 on stage in Denver. It was the first Broadway style production I had ever seen, and I was pretty much hooked from then on. I love the music from the production very much, but I like many of its messages even more. One of my favorite themes from Rent is living each day to the fullest. Don't regret what you have done in the past, and don't spend all your time planning for the future. Live in the present and enjoy your life. I try to live my life in this manner, and am pretty good at it. Sometimes this is to my benefit, and sometimes not, but for the most part it's how I choose to live my life. I have taken a few online surveys lately to help me determine what spiritual gifts God has given to me in my life. In my seminary applications I said I thought that my biggest gifts were for teaching and encouraging others, and according to the spiritual gift inventories I took, I was right for the most part. There was a gift that was listed number 1 in almost every test that I missed though; the gift of faith. I think it's my faith that has allowed me to live in the present. I know for a fact my faith has allowed me to forgive myself for all that I have done earlier in my life. God forgave me right away, but it took a long time for me to realize this and forgive myself. I now know that I am able to "forget regret". My faith also allows me to not worry so much for the future. I know that God will find a way to make his will happen for me in my life. It seems like no matter what I have done in the past, he has always found a way to put me where he would have me. I think that sometimes I'm accused of not thinking my decisions through, and I know that some people have questioned my recent decisions to go back to school. My struggle today has been where I draw the line between having faith that Christ will make things work for me in life, and making responsible decisions that may not be directly leading me down the path I feel called to. One of my seminaries called me today, and indicated that I may not be able to be accepted with out a campus visit. I was planning on visiting a campus before I enrolled in a program, but with me starting a new job vacation time is scarce. I already will be taking 10 days off in July to travel on a mission trip with the youth group, and I was going to take a few days to visit my number one school choice after making sure I was accepted and had financial aid. I know I don't have the money or the time to visit all three schools. I'm hoping that this school will allow me for now to interview with somebody via the phone, and to let me visit only if I choose their program. That decision appears to be up in the air at the moment though. I know God will provide for me, but I keep trying to decide if it would be more responsible to jeopardize my job by taking even more time off at the very start of it for the sake of my future, or if I should eliminate one of my top schools right away based only on their requirement of a campus visit before acceptance. Where do I take control, and where do I step aside and let God do his thing?

A prayer experience

I remember a night in what I’m guessing was the summer of 1994. My best friend Kevin and I, along with a couple of other good friends Keith and Greg, went up to the canyon to drive to the top of Storm Mountain which was a favorite destination of ours. The top of the peak is spectacular during the middle of the nights, as you can see the lights of dozens of towns spread across the Front Range. The crazy part of the evening was racing down the mountain at speeds that I won’t mention for the sake of my mother. We were tearing down the mountain, because Kevin realized he was running very late for his participation in a 24 hour prayer vigil at the church. He made it (we made amazing time) and I drove home having left my car at the church before we left. I never participated in the event, figuring that I could never pray for 30 minutes straight, and within a couple of years the annual prayer vigil just died out.

The event took wings again this year with a March 4th in Prayer theme. I signed up to participate from 2am to 2:30 am praying in the Sanctuary and from 2:30 am to 3:00 am as a prayer walker who roamed the church praying at different locations in the church for the programs and the people who call that space home. This was one of the most amazing experiences. Imagine yourself during the middle of the night, sitting in a comfortable chair in the middle of your place of worship. The space is lit by a small lamp and a couple of candles. A light shines on the cross at the front of the room. It was amazing to be alone with God in a place normally filled when I am present. To be able to thank him for all he has done in my life, and in the life of the church in such an intimate place. I anticipated being moved by this experience when I signed up. The shock for me was the experience I had going from room to room at 2:30 in the morning praying at each stop. At each room, memories came flooding back to me of experiences I’ve had in each location. How these experiences have helped to shape my faith and beliefs. I stopped at the room I helped lead VBS games in when I was first forced to come to the church in junior-high. The choir room where I participated in a band ensemble, youth and bell choirs growing up. I got to pray in the fellowship hall, where we both worship in a contemporary style on Sunday morning and then play games in Sunday night. I remember when this space was a parking lot. The most powerful room though was the youth room (the Mountain). I sat cross-legged on the floor in front of the door with my forehead and hands resting on the door. I remembered growing up in my younger years in that space. I remembered helping out with the program in my college days, and reflected on my current stint helping with the youth. I prayed for the difficult issues that many of our teens face every day, and that I may be a positive influence on their lives. It may sound dumb, but by the time I finished there, I was a little teary eyed.

12 years ago, I thought that 30 minutes of prayer was insanely long and unobtainable for me. Friday night/Saturday morning, an hour came and went in the blink of an eye. I like to think of myself as being the same person that I have always been, but at times like this, the growth Christ has placed in my faith is obvious. I would recommend this experience to anyone.

I have a job! Thursday I interviewed with the Fort Collins Coloradoan newspaper, and just had a great time in the interview. I should mention that this was a complete 180 from the first interview I had there. About four hours after this I was offered a job there. I thought about if overnight but told them I would accept Friday morning. I was offered another job Friday as well, and it was a difficult choice choosing between the two.

Anyways tonight I celebrated a bit, and went bowling with some friends. I always have a good time going out with friends, they really do make life that much more fun.