Impatience.....

I'm reading a great book right now by an author I have enjoyed for a long time, Larry Bond. I am famous for taking great submarine suspense novels and reading them until all hours of the night, and tonight is no different, but it's a good distraction.

I've been remiss in updating this lately because I have been pretty busy between the job, church and social life, but probably the biggest reason is I have felt that I haven't had a lot of things about my life to report to the world lately. I've been in a hurry up and wait mode for a little while now and figured I didn't need to tell the world that. I realized today though that while letting everybody know what is going on in my life is one reason I started this online journal, it wasn't the main reason. I like having the ability to be able to jot down what is going on in my head to help me sort through my thoughts, feelings, emotions ect.... Isn't that what a journal is about in the first place?

I have been feeling very stressed over the last few days. I am normally the most easy going person I know and it works for me. I don't stress too much about things, and they normally work out very well for me in the end. I'm trying to figure out why I'm feeling so nervous about waiting for my financial aid letter from Dubuque then. I am sure that I am being let to ministry, and I feel strongly that my path is meant to run through the Dubuque seminary program. I have been assured that I should have no problem getting the aid I need from the financial aid director at the school. All my paperwork is in, and while some of it may have been turned in a little late, it wasn't really all that late. All this being said, I feel my whole future hanging in the balance of what one little letter will say to me. I don't think I have ever wanted something so bad in my life, and the thought of not being able to attend school is heartbreaking to me. I want to start figuring out when I can move, how much I need to save, where I will be living, when I can quit my job and a hundred other things right now, and I feel that I can't do any of this until I know for sure I have the funding to attend. It's a weird feeling for me to be on the pessimistic and worrisome side of the isle because I don't normally stress about these things. I know that stress will not help me out and that the decision is out of my hands, but can't they let me know now. Patience is a virtue, and I can wait this out, but by the time I'm done I may have gray hair. I don't know how to take it easy and stop worrying about this. I don't know if this is God telling me that I'm not going to get it. That I waited too long and that he wants to teach me a lesson about procrastination. I don't know if I'm just being paranoid and need to relax. I know I'll figure out these stresses pretty soon one way or another, and I feel like a big whiner because I'm stressing, but hey , anybody want to say a quick prayer for me, I would appreciate it.